Men Will Not Fight For the Chance To Talk

aampost2.jpg

Today's post is all about how men will not fight for the chance to talk. Before we dive right in, I'd like you to ask yourself a question. Have you ever asked a man a question such as “What do you want to eat for dinner?” or a bigger one like “Where is this relationship going?” and found yourself not only asking the question but also kinda answering it for him?

This is one of the ways that women do not know just how deep men really are. It can also become a style of communicating, if we’re not careful.

Here’s how it might look.

A woman will ask a question. If the man doesn’t answer immediately, she will rephrase the question. If the man still doesn’t answer, the woman will then again assume that the man doesn’t understand and she’ll try to be ‘helpful’ by constructing the question as a multiple choice where she ‘suggests’ the answers.

The downward spiral of miscommunication begins here.

Then the woman complains that the man is not communicative.

Here’s what I mean.

Woman: Honey, where do you want to go for dinner?

2 seconds pass

Woman: That Italian place over at the mall?

2 seconds pass

Woman: Or we could just heat up the leftovers from last night. I’ve kind of been craving it.

Man: Silent (Thinking about first question, now filtering the suggestion of whether he likes that Italian place at the mall and now contemplating if there is enough leftovers for both of them.)

Technically this is 3 questions and he is sorting through each of them and developing an opinion.

Woman: (Gets frustrated on why he hasn’t answered, not realizing it’s 3 separate questions that she kinda answered and by the way, only about 20 seconds have passed)

Man: Sensing her frustration and the feeling of “tick tock”, he might say something like, “I don’t know, you choose”.

Can we relate? So what can you do about this?

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Why Women Are the Velcro of the Universe

womenuniverse.jpg

One of the problems that women have with men is that when a man is busy doing something, he disconnects – and we give meaning to that by thinking he is disconnecting from us. We don’t know that’s what a single focused person, a hunter, does.

As women, we’re gatherers, otherwise known as the Velcro of the universe.

We’re used to being the ones that hold everything together. Whereas a hunter will remain focused, because he always has a result to produce.

Think about how different having a conversation with your girlfriend is compared to talking to your dad or your brother.

When a woman reaches out to one of her friends to talk, she’s looking to share, to be heard, and to process her feelings.

What a man hears when a woman opens up to him though, is that there’s a problem and it’s his job to fix it. See, single focus + task = result to produce.

So how does all this make us, the women of the world, the Velcro that holds it all together?

Because a woman’s job within the tribe was to hold it all together while the men were off on the hunt, she developed the skill to be the glue, or Velcro.

And because a man is single focused, when he’s finished with one task, he needs time to transition before moving on to the next task.

Here’s a scenario that might sound familiar, either because it’s happened to you, or because you’re witnessed it with your friends or maybe even your parents.

A man comes home from work and he wants to know what he’d like for dinner, when he wants to eat, and if he picked up the dry cleaning.

And his response - is silence.

As the Velcro of the Universe, the woman had it all covered, but the man is focused on only one thing at a time. In the Attract An Amazing Man Tele-series, I’ll share exactly what he needs before he can be available to her, or anything else that needs his attention.

Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself and see.

The next time you want something from a man, any man, watch and wait until he is finished with whatever task he might be focused on.

Then give him just a little bit more time, and when he’s ready to be available for you, he’ll let you know.

Of course as women, this can be much more difficult than we’d like. Because we’re so accustomed to doing ten things at once, we get frustrated when the men around don’t do the same thing.

And that’s where our trouble begins.

We make him just being who he is wrong, because he isn’t like us.

But seriously, do you really want to date or be in a relationship with someone just like you? No, of course you don’t.

Both men and women are looking to one another to find that balance that only the opposite sex can provide. That’s why just being yourself is all you need to do, to attract an amazing man.

But, and this is the key – you also have to be willing to allow him to just be himself as well.

Next week I’m going to take this one step further and shed some more light on how men and women communicate differently.

Want to get even more insight and understanding on how to attract and amazing man? I guarantee you’ll love my new soon to be released live tele-series. Click on the link below to find out more.

See you next week!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Why You Should Follow Your Passions… No Matter What

bestdayofyourlife.jpg

Steve Jobs once said, “The only way to do great work is to love what you do” It’s a quote that’s been said many times before Jobs and many times since, and in many different ways. But, the essence remains the same. Find work and activities you feel passionate about as it’s really the only way. Now, with regards to work, I know that many of you may think, “How could I possibly love what I do?” I know it can be hard to imagine loving your job at times. There are likely a lot of days where you feel you work to live, not live to work. I’ve heard it from many people before and I know I’ll continue to hear it again – but I’m telling you that it doesn’t have to be that way.

While it can be scary to think of changing your career, or even making a small change in your current one, your passions are worth following.

Here’s WHY:

You Only Live Once

I hate to be the one to remind us of the infamous “YOLO”, but there’s some serious meaning behind the acronym t-shirts and radio hit pop songs touting You Only Live Once. If you have one life to live, why would you live it doing anything you don’t truly love? Sometimes it isn't convenient or wise to just drop your career cold and follow your passions but in the meantime, you can control how you spend your time outside of your work and those feelings of happiness can change your actual work life. This could mean doing something as small as attending a painting workshop once a week (even though you haven’t painted in 12+ years) or finally buying the guitar you’ve been eyeing for months or something big like going on a tour through Peru and making your way to Machu Picchu!

Happiness Breeds Happiness

So what if you take a job with a slightly lower salary? If it’s a job you love and you leave the office feeling fulfilled and happy every single day, can you honestly put a dollar value on that? Yes, there are financial commitments in everyone’s life and we all need to pay bills – but you may be surprised to learn you probably don’t need as much money as you think you do. And I know you’ll be surprised at the amount of intangible wealth your happiness will breed.

You Might Miss Your True Calling

We’re all born with talents. Some of us discover them at a ripe, young age. Others figure them out later in life. Whatever your case may be, making sure you’re not too sucked up in your daily routine (and that goes double for those who dislike their current daily routine) that you totally miss out on your calling. Sometimes years can go by where you think the same thoughts on your way to work, at work and on your way home from work but you're so busy, it's impossible to create space to try something new! It's important to give yourself some room to discover what your true calling is.

As Dr. Seuss said, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You".

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

5 Steps to Achieving Greater Self-Love

selflove.jpg

We all have bad days. It’s normal. How you deal with those pestering, bad feelings is up to you, though. For me, I’ve discovered that taking steps to feeling a greater sense of self-love has completely changed the way I see the world and how I see myself. I have fewer “bad” days and way more good ones. If you want to achieve a greater level of self-love, you completely can. All it takes is commitment, time and reflection. You already are amazing by the way. :) Now it’s time for you to continuously recognize that amazing-ness within yourself and really let it shine. You might be surprised how your life changes!

To get you started on the path to achieving greater self-love, I’m sharing 5 steps. To continue your journey, I’d recommend picking up a copy (or downloading an eBook!) of Gabby Bernstein’s Add More ~ing To Your Life. It’s a great, easy read that’s sure to shift your perceptions on self-appreciation and celebration.

Step One: Cut the Negativity

This one’s hard to do but probably the most impactful. You’ve got to stop criticizing yourself! Whether it’s while you’re getting dressed in the morning or washing your face at night, don’t let your negative thoughts drag you down. Notice a new wrinkle? Shrug it off. Don’t feel like a total ten in your skinny jeans? Slip into your favourite dress. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself focus on the negative – just move on.

Step Two: Forgive Yourself

We’re all human and mistakes happen. When they do, forgive yourself. Did you arrive somewhere late? Miss an exit on the highway? Forget to call your sister back? It’s OK – you’re human and worthy of forgiveness. It’s harder to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others at times, but with enough practice you’ll start to forgive and forget much quicker.

Step Three: Praise Yourself

When you accomplish something, beat your personal best or just feel great – praise yourself! It’s OK to show yourself a little bit of self-love. Whether it’s flashing yourself a smile in the mirror or writing a positive mantra on a sticky note and putting it in your purse for later – you’re worth it.

Step Four: Reward Yourself

By “reward”, I don’t always mean chocolate. But sometimes chocolate absolutely does the trick! Reward yourself, and your body, with proper nutrition and exercise. A health body will help you maintain a healthy mind and emotional state. Exercise boosts our “feel good” hormones and nutritious food helps us stay calm, boosts our energy and fills us up.

Step Five: Take Care With How You Surround Yourself

Be mindful of those you surround yourself with. It’s often been said that you become the average of the people you have in your life. Whether or not that’s true is up for debate, but it is true that the people around you can seriously drag you down – or boost you up.Choose to spend time with people who inspire, motivate and truly love you. Rethink your relationships that have the opposite effect.

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

My Experience as a Couple's Therapist

beehive.jpg

In my little beehive creating connection

I promised to share some details about being a Couple’s Therapist at the festival in Portugal so here goes!

But first, did you complete your coaching exercise from last week? Just checking. :)

It took me a bit to locate where I was to meet the organizer in this mini-city but once I finally did, we were both very excited to have the Skype talks now be in real life! Each day in the area called “Liminal Village” had a different theme and I was going to be a part of the day they had themed:

Love, Pleasure and the Feminine

(when she told me this, I think my heart did an actual leap of joy as these are some of my favorite topics)

When the day came, I was standing at the back of the room during one of the first lectures when all of a sudden I was introduced to all 1000 people at once as “The Couple’s Therapist from Canada”. I waved and welcomed people to come and sign up for a private session. We had no idea if anyone actually would but to my delight, I booked all my available spots within about an hour. Felt awesome! The couples were mainly from Portugal, France or Germany, with a few from Canada and the US. One actually works very near my home in Toronto! They were mainly in their 20’s and 30’s and so open and curious about receiving guidance.

The adobe structure they had me working in felt a bit like a clay beehive. It was such a perfect place to work and I would lay out a sarong for all 3 of us. The conversations mainly started with asking the men what they wanted more of in the relationship.

This often took them by surprise but once they nestled in, they would often share things for the very first time and I could sense their partner’s eyes widening at times. Then it was the woman’s chance to speak about what she wanted more of and from there, I would weave back and forth teaching each of them more about each other. Often doing a bit of translation such as, “she is saying she needs a hug from you in the mornings and what she is asking for is connection” or “he has become resentful about fixing your computer all the time and what he is asking for is appreciation”.

And of course, at the end of each session,, I would have them give each other a big hug and a smooch to seal their commitment to improving their relationship. They often left glowing which was wonderful to see. In every moment, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be, helping the couples that needed me. It was very healing for myself too and I thought of David often. I really feel like he was giving me strength and guidance through it all.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Identify where in your life you are blaming someone else for your unhappiness and allow yourself to see how much more power you would have if you took 100 percent responsibility. This doesn’t make the other person’s actions correct but what could open up if you really saw that you create your own happiness regardless of their actions? What actions can you take to reclaim your happiness?

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Dance, Swim, Grow, Repeat: All About My Exciting Travel to Portugal

Directions.jpg

I’m back from my travel to Portugal and boy oh boy, are there stories to tell. :)

But first, how are you? How has your summer been?I’d love to hear from you.

On August 3rd, I boarded a train in Lisbon headed for Castelo Branco. I had been told by one of the festival organizers that I would know I was on the right train because everyone will look like they were going to a festival. Backpacks, carefree clothing, big smiles and music. She was right. The variety of people that I watched board the train made for some very interesting people watching. Little did I know that people watching would become my favorite past-time over the next 7 days.

I quickly made friends with some women from Germany and we chatted most of the way. All the languages around me were either German, French or Portuguese, all sharing the same excitement of getting to the festival.

Once we arrived at the festival site, it felt like such a union of likeminded souls. Here we were, gathered, practically in the middle of nowhere, all for the same reasons - to dance, to sing, to swim, to grow, to connect and to interact peacefully with each other for 7 days.. The fact that 50,000 people were able to do this without a single speck of police presence is remarkable. The theme for the week circled around:

We are one.

Country flags were prohibited because that can cause rivalry, even if it’s friendly. The message is that we are all humans looking to lead a life of meaning, fuelled by love. Now I don’t want you to get the idea we were all holding hands, singing Kumbaya the whole time….it was much more than that….

If you can picture almost like a little city complete with a supermarket, restaurant area, homes (tents!), shopping (local artists) and more. On each day, you could choose to go to a yoga or meditation class in the morning and then see an interesting lecture in the afternoon before you got your dance on in the evening. I preferred the early mornings and was often packing it in before the all-night dancing began but there was one night where the moon was out in full and dancing on the beach for 3 hours straight to a live DJ seemed like the perfect thing to do. :) The days were really hot so swimming in the big lake became my siesta and let’s just say, if you were wearing a bathing suit, you were in the minority. Haha.

I’ll be sharing again about my adventure to Portugal (and working as a Couple’s Therapist!) but I’d like to give you your coaching exercise for the week.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Think of an area of your life where you feel your mind has shifted but you still behave the same way. For example, you may have a new perspective on recycling, but yet you still don’t recycle. You may have a new perspective on guns and war but you still allow your kids to play war-themed video games. This week, put some action behind any area where your mind has shifted but your behaviour hasn’t. Then TELL ME ABOUT IT! :) I would love to know what you are taking on.

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

The worst question to ask

HMOI9OUX4J.jpg

Awhile back I read a very interesting blog post that was built around the worst thing you can ask a woman you are dating or in a long term relationship with:

How was your day?

I started to think about this even before I continued reading the post, and you know what, I thought – “that’s kinda true”. When you are asked this particular question, you often don’t even know where to begin. As women, we store every detail of every occurrence in our brain somewhere so we could start anywhere! I’m sure you’ve noticed, sometimes the next thing after this question is asked is a big sigh and something along the lines of “gosh, where to I start?!”.

You see, at the end of a day, when a woman is asked “How was your day?”, she makes a choice in that moment to either divulge every detail of the highs and lows, wins and losses or scratch all of that and just say “fine, how was yours?” This may seem polite but if left at that for weeks or months, it can cause a woman to build up resentment against the question. Once a couple discovers this question is not getting the results they want, there are many ways it can be approached. One of the things you can do is have the man start to ask different questions. Warning: it’s going to feel super, super weird in the beginning but you will get hooked on the depth of the answers over awhile.

Here are some examples:

When did you feel loved today? When did you feel lonely? What did I do today that made you feel appreciated? What did I say that made you feel unnoticed? What can I do to help you right now?

Re-read my warning above because I know these might be awkward to ask at first. And no, you don’t need to ask all of these questions at once (gosh, that would be communication overload) ☺ You both need to be committed to wanting to break through that uncomfortable feeling that arises around the “How was your day?” question and realistically, you may even continue to ask that question here and there. However, you will also have the other more specific questions to balance out your communication. Some days you might even prefer a super light conversation at the end of the day and that’s what it’s there for.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

If you are in a relationship, try these questions out. You may want to preface the first time with sharing a statement like, “I was thinking it would be fun and interesting to ask each other a variety of different questions when we see each other at the end of the day….” Try them out one at a time and see which one leads to the most varied answers and then keep going. If you are single, try this out on friends. You could actually use it as a bit of an experiment – you could ask “How was your day?” to one friend and one of the above questions to another friend and see what types of answers you get. It will be very interesting to see the variety in responses. Plus, this will give you practice for when you do find your lucky significant other!

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Do we need rituals to feel good?

breatheyogamat.jpg

"Good Morning Yoga Mat. Didn't I see you here yesterday?"

Lately I’ve been exploring the concept of rituals. I’ve always been someone who thrived on the variety of life and the unexpected so I suppose up until this point, I felt that rituals = BORING. The idea of doing the exact same thing every day was such a turn-off so I’ve rarely even entertained the idea.

I recently had a trip out to Calgary and visited with some old friends. Both have a strong yoga practice and start almost every day with time on their mats. It’s very inspiring but the idea of getting up even earlier than I already do to drive to a studio to practice yoga, just didn’t appeal no matter how many ways I tried to look at it. In the end, I knew I wouldn’t stick with something I had to push myself to do.

Then it struck me that they have created rituals that work really well for THEM. I need to create rituals that work for ME.

I have started with combining these activities every single morning to create a customized ritual:

Leisurely exit from bed which means setting my alarm for a little bit earlier

Drink a big glass of water

20 minutes of yoga. I only do my favorite poses to keep myself motivated.

Steep my tea while I cut up oranges, apples and sometimes an avocado

Drink my tea while on the back porch checking in on my potted garden

Light breakfast

15 minutes to tidy up

Work day begins

When I sit down to start reading and composing emails, it feels good that I have taken this time for myself in the morning. I see it as a gift of kindness I can give to myself.

There is a book that I’ve recently added to my reading list,Daily Rituals by Mason Currey. It details nearly 200 routines of some of the greatest minds of the last four hundred years – famous novelists, poets, playwrights, painters, philosophers, scientists and mathematicians. It sounds fascinating to me so I’ll definitely be incorporating a page or two soon into my own daily ritual.

A blog post I recently read by a woman by the name of Kathryn Nulf had this to say:

Rituals can have a profound impact on us, they calm and ground us, soothe the spirit, slow us down, remind us to live in the moment, nourish our soul and remind us we are responsible for our own well-being. Rituals have a calming effect on our nervous system because it gives us something to look forward to, that is at once both freeing and grounding. It brings us out of our heads and back into our bodies. It gives us a break from the overthinking mind and lets us rest right here, right now.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Create your very own morning or evening ritual. I find morning is a little easier to control but it’s up to you. Set your alarm clock for 30-60 minutes prior to when you normally wake up in order to start giving yourself this extra time. If you are having a hard time figuring out what ritual might work for you, think about what grounds you and brings more balance into your life. Start by choosing one activity and doing it every day for 1 week to see how you feel. If it’s positive, try another week, if it’s not your thing, try a different ritual.

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. 

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Portugal, here I come and navigating friendships

FLI26W5VXU.jpg

Tonight I will be heading off on my adventure to Portugal. It’s been a real potpourri of emotion leading up to this moment. I didn’t know what level of strength I would have at this point in my grieving journey when I committed back in March but it seems David has equipped me with enough spirit nudges from afar to do this. Thank you my Sweet Love. Originally, a dear friend was to join me but some unexpected circumstances have come up in her life so she’s had to cancel. This will make for a very different trip than I expected, but I remain open to what will unfold and the variety of people I will meet. Before heading to the Festival, I will be spending a few days in Lisbon seeing a friend I’ve known since grade 7 who's had two kids since we last saw each other.Time flies.

Speaking of friendships, I’ve been talking with several different friends on this topic lately. We’ve been discussing the friendships that are harmonious in our lives, vs. the ones that seem to struggle. The common theme we agree on is that the people we are close with are the ones who view friendship in the same light.

One friend said to me, “There are friends in our lives that we hold very dear and think of often but that doesn’t always translate into a phone call or email…..and that works for both.”

We know where we stand with each other and are super happy whenever we make a connection. If it’s been awhile, we greet each other with:

“So great to hear from you! You’ve been on my mind!”

not,

“I never hear from you.”

For instance, my friend in Lisbon is someone I became good friends with in junior high and we’ve drifted in and out of each other’s lives since, without issue. We don’t pause to take anything personally when we haven’t heard from each other in awhile.

It’s an unspoken truth in these types of free-flowing friendships that we will continue to glide around our own respective worlds and bump into each other to check in when each of us are feeling called to. Two people who have the same view on friendship can create so much possibility and a much deeper connection than two people who have different views.

So here comes your coaching exercise for the week…

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Take a look at the different friendships you have in your life. To keep things easy, let’s just divide them into two categories: Free-Flowing and Struggle. Don’t be shy about writing down names. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a real person. J Now look to see which ones make you feel tangled up, guilty or unhappy. These are your Struggle friendships. Secondly, look at your Free-Flowing friendships. You should almost immediately feel a sense of ease, well-being and warmth about these friendships regardless of how often you see each other.

What you choose to do about this list is up to you. You may have some restructuring to do in the friend department or you may be simply inspired to reach out and check in with a Free-Flower.

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Couple’s Therapy at a Music Festival. Huh?

concert-1421932_1280.jpg

Did I ever think that I'd be asked to offer couple's therapy at a music festival? Probably not, but that doesn't mean I don't love the idea! One of my favorite things to do in life is listen to live music outdoors. There is something about the combination of being able to look up at the sky, breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the sounds that is so appealing. I first started attending music festivals back in the Lollapalooza days and was immediately hooked (remember when those festivals first started?! It was such a big deal.) We used to throw a bunch of stuff in a car, hope that we remembered key things like tents and set off on an adventure. It was always a good time from beginning to end.

About 6 months ago, I received an email from a Festival organizer in Portugal asking if I would be open to being a couple’s therapist at their upcoming outdoor Festival. A million things raced through my head:

Yes!

No, I’m not ready.

Yes, how fun!

No, there’s no way I should do this.

Yes, how could I turn this down?!

No, there’s no way I can guide couples at a festival in Portugal?!

I eventually had a call with the organizer and told her that I was very flattered she sought me out and I needed her to walk me through what the festival was all about and what was expected of me. She dove right in and it felt like she had designed the festival just for me (and 30,000 other people!) because it’s theme is about the feminine, truth, growth, expansion and clarity. It’s a mixture of workshops, music, dancing, swimming and all the best things that festivals have to offer.

I sat on the opportunity for a few more days and eventually went back to my initial gut reaction:

Yes!

Now as I prepare for my trip, I’m thinking a lot about what I am going to teach and the guidance I am going to offer the couples looking to take their relationship to the next level.

One distinction I will be sharing is around listening, and how despite our best intentions, we often hear our partner but we don’t ‘listen’ to our partner.When you ‘hear’ someone, you are looking to agree or disagree with what they are saying. This is the typical way we listen to most people throughout our day and it’s not because we don’t care, it’s just the way we are wired. When you take time to listen, it means you are focusing far less on whether you agree or disagree and much more on what the person is saying, how they are saying it and what silent context does or doesn’t exist. This takes practice, time and focus. Luckily, the festival organizers are providing me with a pseudo-office under a tree with a couch and everything. This will be a focused area where couples can listen, not hear.

The Festival is in August so I will definitely be sharing more on this adventure mixing my passions of music festivals and helping build connection, so stay tuned!

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Why You Should Find a Man Who Loves Your Butt

woman-407168_1280-e1472327472207.jpg

Last week I held an “Ask Me Anything About Men” event and those who were able to make it got a ton of their questions answered. As you know, I am committed to truth and authenticity whether you are searching for your partner or you are already in a relationship.

One event participant asked: How do I know if a guy is attracted to me?" 

My quick answer was:

Find a man who not only likes but LOVES your butt.

Find a man who not only likes but LOVES your butt.

I was met with a look of “huh?”

I then went on to explain that the difference between being with a man who loves your butt and one who just kind of likes your butt is night and day. When you are with the former, it gifts you with lots of freedom in self-expression and how you carry yourself. With the latter, there is this constant hamster wheel going through your head of “does my butt look too big? Does it wiggle too much? Does he notice that mark on my butt?” and so on and so on. It’s never-ending.

Then this participant enquired a bit further in asking: “But what if he is a legs or breast man, does he still have to love my butt?”

And my answer was, “Yes, absolutely. It doesn’t matter what body part preference he has, he still needs to love your butt.”

Over the years, I have had conversations with tons of men as well as happy couples that have further solidified this view. To be in a room full of men who are talking about women’s butts in a respectful way is actually really interesting.

Why?

Because every single man in the room has a different opinion on what the perfect butt looks like. They go into great detail covering every size and type of butt out there. They may even get into a semi-serious debate about it, but the point is, every man has a different opinion on what type of butt they like.

This is great news so right here and now, drop every single insecurity you have ever had about your butt! If you want to know more about this topic and many other (surprising) reasons men find you attractive, I recommend reading this book and celebrating your bod from head to toe: Making Sense of Men by Alison Armstrong

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Look for confirmation of this in your own life. Think of relationships you have been in or men you have dated and ask yourself, on a scale of 1-10, how much did they love my butt? You could recall catching their eye quite a bit on your butt or things they may have said to you. Think about how you felt about yourself and how was your confidence level? Now contrast that with someone you dated who seemed indifferent or even not attracted to your butt. How was your confidence level with them?

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Why You Should Be Making Sure Your Needs are Being Met

PORCHPHOTO.jpg
Back porch tea time

A tea on the back porch.

That’s what I woke up thinking about. I don’t seem to spend enough time on my back porch lately even though it’s the perfect place for a relaxing read or a quiet nap. I’ve been working to make it a bit more comfortable by adding in some bright flowers and pillows and tea lights. I call it ‘gardening’ and my sisters call it ‘watering potted plants’ but I’m still proud of the bright colors greeting me as I come and go.

So there I was, having just sat down to take my first sip and I felt a drop of rain on my arm. “No way rain, you are NOT going to take this moment away from me!”. I could have given up and just gone back inside but I was determined. I had to think fast so I raced around locating my table umbrella and hastily cranked it up just as it started to pour.

At first, I thought to myself, ‘seriously? You are going to get soaked and there’s no way you can move until it’s stopped. This ‘getting your needs met thing has gone a little far’ And then just as it was down-pouring the hardest, I took a sip and started to relax. Mother Nature was having her way, freshening up the gardens, cleaning off my car and under this umbrella was the quiet need I thought of when I first woke up. I was following through, knowing how it would impact my day in a positive way.

In 2009, this was shared with me:

The Queen is strengthened or weakened by her relationship to her needs.

It was a powerful statement for me because we are so often fed that looking after our own needs is being selfish or self-centered. It’s quite the opposite:

When a woman looks after her own needs, she is actually able to give more of herself to others.

It may not make sense right away but try to think of it as a long-term investment in your day, week and in your life. You may not necessarily feel it in the moment when you are getting one of your needs met but later that day when a struggle or stressful situation comes up, you are just better prepared and more grounded.

I will be sharing more Queen work with you in future posts as it has had a tremendous impact on my own life and I know it will on yours. Incorporating Queen work into your daily life does not happen over night but little by little, we can strengthen our relationship to our own needs and not discount them.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Think of an example in your life where you sacrificed what you really wanted because it was just easier to do it another way. It could have been something that only affected you in the moment or it could be in a group environment where you went along with the decision to appear easy-going. Now decide for yourself how you are going to handle a similar situation in the future. Commit to adjusting a bit and experiencing what it’s like to stick to what you truly want. In no way am I suggesting Diva behavior – this is more about a woman getting in touch with her own individual desires.

I'd love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Humanize Others More. See What Happens.

victoria-974779_1280-e1472329078459.jpg

I smiled at Brett Wilson.

Sun on my face.

Layin' out on a sail boat.

Breathing in that ocean air.

My lil’ jaunt to British Columbia proved to be a very fun-filled trip. I visited with friends I hadn't seen in years, enjoyed sunsets and sparkling water on patios and thought to myself that this coastal lifestyle is something I could really get used to.

On my last day, my friend Graden and I were laughing on the way to the airport at how we never seem to learn the rule about making sure to apply extra sun tan lotion when out on the water. Didn't we learn this as kids and how old are we now?

So there I was with a bright red sunburned face, making my way through the security line at the airport and I look up to see one of my most admired entrepreneurs - Mr. Brett Wilson. Some of you may recognize him from Dragon's Den. What I noticed in an instant was he was sunburned too! To my eyes, we were the reddest faces within site...so I just simply smiled at him.

Now I don't expect him to remember me at all but the reason I smiled was that I humanized him. ‘I have a red face and so do you, you're human and so am I = smile.’ Simple.

The key to humanizing others is to see the big picture instantly and how we are just a couple of humans making our way through this world, looking for a lot of the same things – respect, connection, love, etc.

You see, many moons ago, I had a role in casting for film and television and I would be chatting with well-known people all the time. Often the conversation would turn to a desire to just be treated like a normal human being. They weren’t complaining at all because when you choose acting as a career, you accept that may very well be something you deal with. It was a desire to just be themselves and connect with others on a very basic level.

Basic human connection is often overlooked when we are busy statusizing people around us.

Coaching exercise for you:

Think of people in your life you treat differently and maybe not even intentionally. Who do you get nervous around? Could be a co-worker, someone you have a bit of a crush on, a family member. Whoever it is, the next time you are around them, make an effort to remember, “I’m human, you’re human and that’s all there is to it”. See how this affects how you feel around them and become more aware of how you might categorize people in your life as being better than you.

There’s just simply no such thing as status at the end of the day. It’s something we make up in our mind and project onto others we think have accomplished more.

Humanize others more. See what happens.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this! Leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

At the age of 17, who were you?

girl-535877_1280-e1472329869830.jpg

At the age of 17, who were you?

There are some theorists who believe you are the absolute closest to your true self at the age of 17. This is believed to be the age where you are most in tune with what makes you happy, whether you choose to act upon it or not.

After the age of 17, it’s believed you become a lot more influenced by what others want for you rather than what you want for yourself.

When I learned this, I started to think about who I was when I was 17. I was in grade 12 in High School in Calgary, Alberta and had a fun group of friends. I had a job at the mall and I liked boys from other schools. J I remember being in the library one day and flipping through an old issue of a travel magazine. I stumbled across an article that spoke about how you could ski and snowboard on a glacier in Whistler, BC in the summer. I couldn’t think of anything that would be cooler than that. That very night I had a conversation with my parents and they gave me permission to follow my growing adventure-seeking tendencies and move to Whistler right after graduation. Thank you Mom & Dad!

This was a memorable and defining lesson in speaking up for what I truly want, rather than editing myself for what others may want for me. I was introduced to that feeling of wholeness where the life I desired on the inside started matching my life on the outside.

This week I’ve been re-visiting memory lane because I’m in Vancouver and from my hotel room, I can see the bridge leading out to Highway 99. Gosh, how many times did I cross that all those years ago when we used to do day trips into Vancouver?! I have such good memories of Whistler and all the adventures I had meeting others who were drawn to this unique summer-skiing playground.

This week, I started thinking how easy it was to create joy back then and it wasn't even a conscious effort

This week, I started thinking how easy it was to create joy back then and it wasn’t even a conscious effort, I just seemed to pack my days with activities and people I liked!

This universal recipe for joy hasn’t changed much but perhaps as we get older, we think it is something more complicated. Perhaps it can sometimes be a matter of simply re-connecting with how you made your choices at 17 and what influences or influencers you paid attention to.

This brings me to a coaching exercise I encourage you to take on this week:

Find a time to reconnect with your 17 year old self.

Write down what made you happy and why. Write down as much as you can remember about making decisions and the activities/people you felt naturally drawn to. Don’t filter yourself and don’t share your list with others (this is only because they might edit it or cause you to second guess yourself.) Reflect upon this list throughout the week. To deepen this experience, you may even want to dig up a photo from that year and attach it to your list.

I would love to hear how this exercise affected you. Please leave a comment below or email me directly.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Living & Loving Authentically

6DL4MMRNTB-e1472328261291.jpg

When I committed to living a life of authenticity, I had this "there's no turning back" feeling. A part of me knew I was going to have to get a magnifying glass out and look at every aspect of my life to uncover what parts were built on heart-centered desire and what parts just existed in hopes for something better. What would my life look like if I were only doing things that authentically brought me joy?

One fantasy came to mind, well I would probably live in a tropical environment with an ocean front view, and work with an amazing virtual assistant who creates my day so there is an even balance between coaching my clients and self-care.

Naaaah, really?

And then I caught myself with what I know we can all relate to, a pile of reasons why that isn't possible. This is generally the standard process: Step 1: dream up your ultimate lifestyle, Step 2: list out all the reasons it's not possible.

So, I decided to make a choice and start phasing out Step 2. I started asking myself the big questions such as, "When I'm in my 90's, and I'm reflecting on my life, am I going to have a sense that I really lived life and followed my heart or am I going to have regrets?" For myself, I think it would be really hard to be at that age and wish I had been more authentic with my choices. This thought inspires me to tune in more to the voice of my heart.

Often when I am working with clients, I quickly find out there is fear in asking for what they want in a future partner because they don’t want to appear too picky or unrealistic. “Really Christine, you want me to think of what I want in a partner without any editing?!” Yes, yes I do. It’s my belief that if you don’t get honest with yourself and become accountable only to yourseIf right from the beginning, then you are essentially staying true to Step 2.

Here's the irony, when you are out interacting with others in the world and you meet someone who is being authentic and really following their dreams, isn't that completely and totally attractive?! And yet, we hold back for ourselves.

Have a look around and in the coming months, you will see more and more additions. As you know, my life has changed dramatically and it is paramount for my work to be completely aligned with who I am. I look forward to this journey with you.

I encourage you to contemplate the areas in your life where you are not honoring your truth. Don't make yourself right or wrong but simply become aware.

Are you listening to your heart above all other voices? What area of your life would you like to be more authentic? I would love to hear from you - please add in your comments below. :) 

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

My open-hearted tribute to the passing of my beloved David Bridgland

christinesmallpic.jpg
PictureofChristine
PictureofChristine

It was June 2011 that David and I first laid eyes on each other. I was hosting an event at the wine bar he worked at. His beaming smile greeted me as I walked up the entrance stairs. He let me know everything was being taken care of and I felt so welcome. As the event began, so did the flirtations between David and I. He honestly knocked it out of the park with his first line, asking: "Are you related to the (name) sisters? And when I shook my head no, he said "oh, because they are drop dead gorgeous too."

I put my head on this comforting strangers shoulder and as he puts it, "nuzzled" him after his winning opening line.

When the event ended, I enjoyed a glass of wine at the bar and was preparing to leave. That's when I heard my heart speaking to me, "just stay, just stay where you are". I listened and David soon appeared again with a big flirtatious smile. We both knew that was the beginning of our beautiful 2 year, 3 month love story.

David shared with me his dreams of all the things he wanted to do and change in his life and I supported all of them. This was the beginning of our adventures together and over the coming years, we traveled to England, we drove across Canada, we hiked to the top of many mountains, he took up long-distance biking and we cheered each other the whole way. We developed a beautiful, loving partnership.

In August, 2013 David's health took a turn. He had suffered from seizures now and again since he was young but since they were relatively rare, he was never really treated as someone who had Epilepsy. His seizures suddenly started to become more frequent and so for most of August we were in and out of the hospital trying to find the perfect medication combination for him. On Sept. 9th, 2013, while in hospital, David's heart and brain stopped speaking to each other and he passed on.

In that moment, my life changed forever In that moment, my best friend was gone, my lover was gone and my future husband was gone.

The months that followed were incredibly difficult, confusing and emotional. I was grateful to be surrounded by friends and family and a very helpful grief therapist. I placed no expectations on myself for how or how long I was going to unplug from the world. Those I was coaching at the time were incredibly understanding of my need to pause on future sessions. I did my best to get through the days and as bits of strength returned to my body, I would take myself to a yoga class at the end of my street.

In February 2014, I started to contemplate what my future might hold and it began with a trip to Sedona, Arizona to be in the sun and get to the root of what I truly wanted in my life. I was now in a place where I understood, at my very core how precious life is and if you are not leading a truly authentic life, then what are you doing?

David was a very authentic person and always the first to tell anyone who inquired to be true to themselves and follow their dreams. He encouraged this in others and lived this way himself, always fully transparent.

My desire to just be myself in all areas of my life caused me to realize that my current brand I created 7 years ago, "YourDateCoach" was no longer me. I'm a very literal person so when I was questioned about who I have become, I uttered the words:

I am all about Living and Loving Authentically

There is nothing more important to me than living my truth and encouraging others to do the same. It's a theme that has existed in my life for a long time but rarely shared under the YourDateCoach brand. That will no longer be the case. In the coming months and years, you can expect to be inspired and learn about love, relationships, healthy living, travel, music and more. I hope you will continue on this journey with me and continue to let me know the areas you want help with. I want this to be a journey we share together.

One theory about those in heaven is that their only wish for us is to find our joy. I picture David encouraging me to find joy again and I sometimes feel him nudging me along the way. Although finding joy is not always easy, I know for me and for those I will guide the direct route to more joy is by Living and Loving Authentically. There is such freedom in authenticity which is why I feel so strongly about it.

My plan is to continue to send you valuable content on a weekly basis and create opportunities for you to share with others through my growing blog. And for those of you who would like to work with me privately and take their life and/or love-life to a whole new level of authenticity, I will be taking on up to 6 truly committed clients on a monthly basis. Email me for details. I started coaching again this past March and the clarity and focus I bring to our calls has helped clients make big leaps and changes in their lives.

As for my website, it will continue to evolve and YourDateCoach will slowly be phased out.

Until the next time we connect, I want to share with you a quote I've had posted on my computer for quite sometime, by Everett Ruess:

Always I want to live more intensely and richly. Why muck and conceal one's true longings and loves, when by speaking of them one might find someone to understand them, and by acting on them one might discover oneself.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

The Best Free Online Dating Sites ... and The Worst Ones, Too

onlinedating-photos-e1472330669619.jpg

This is a question that comes up a lot. Should I pay for online dating? The answer is kind of yes and kind of no. I’ll explain so it’s easier to make a decision. There was a time, maybe about 5 or 6 years ago when it was clear you went on free sites to hook up and paid sites to find a relationship. That is no longer the case. What I have found to be true is the user needs to be willing to change their online behaviour to receive the desired results. For example, if you set up a profile on OKCupid (free), and you say you are looking to just casually get to know people and make some friends, you will be approached for everything from hook-ups to relationships. However, if you go on OKCupid and it’s clear you are just looking for a relationship, you will deter most of the people looking to just hook up. Notice I said “most” – as we all know, there are many people out there who will message you regardless of what you say in your profile. Just press Delete for those.

I’ve compared results many times trying to determine the best site to recommend but the results vary so much, it is difficult – even for a dating coach! What I do know is almost all successful matches come from eHarmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. Just when I think I’m onto something and really convinced that say “women get better results on eHarmony”, I get two emails from women who met their match on OK Cupid.

Here are some stats to consider from a recent study:

Messages sent to paid sites were 46.9% more likely to get a response than those sent to free sites. Of the successful messages, those sent to paid sites were 44% more likely to progress to a date. So essentially you are twice as likely to set up a date if you take a proactive approach on a paid site.

And here is a snapshot of a recent article featured on YourTango.com:

There was another study published in Current Psychology that gathered a group of 145 participants (86 female and 59 male) and asked them to simulate signing up and paying for and online dating site upfront. Afterward, participants were told that the website had found a match, but the person was missing a couple preferred qualities. Then, researchers informed them that a friend was offering to arrange a blind date with someone who sounded like their perfect match. Participants had to go on dates with both matches but were given an hour to split between them. Now, we’d think that any sane person would devote 50 minutes to the superior match and 10 minutes to the inferior one, just to scope that person out. Researchers, however, found that the time people gave to the inferior match depended on how much the dating site cost. For instance, men who paid $50 upfront spent 49 minutes on the online date, while those who paid nothing spent only 28 minutes on the same date. By extension, people who pay for online dating services are more likely to contact matches more selectively. At the same time, the study does not measure what people consider and investment. Money is an obvious one, but what about time? People who use free sites may spend so much time completing quizzes, filling out the profive and doing surveys that they’ll end up seeing those hours as commitment.

CLICK HERE FOR A VERY HELPFUL AND THOROUGH REVIEW OF ONLINE DATING SITES

Confused yet? Let me help you make a decision.

If you are looking for a serious relationship, my advice is to use a mixture of paid and free dating sites. For example, try eHarmony and OK Cupid for 90 days and then switch to Match.com and Plenty of Fish if you’re not getting the results you want. Then from there, you want to pick the two sites that you’ve experienced the best results from and continue with them until it’s time to take your profile down because you’re now in a successful relationship.

CLICK HERE FOR A VERY HELPFUL AND THOROUGH REVIEW OF ONLINE DATING SITES

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Body Language Attraction 101

nci5n8ul3z-e1473801700123.jpg

Whether you consider yourself proficient at reading body language or someone who consistently doesn’t pick up hints, you will learn something new from these tips. When it comes to flirting and body language, author Rachel DeAlto does a great job in summing it up in her book, “Flirt Fearlessly”.  I recommend giving it a read to learn signs of attraction. She opens by saying, “Being able to read another’s nonverbal cues can save you a lot of time, and even prevent rejection. This interpretation can help you determine whether or not a touch is appropriate, if further conversations are worthwhile, or whether you should ask for a phone number or a date. There are certain things that men and women do differently in terms of body language, however, for the most part, the cues are quite similar.”

When you are assessing body language, don’t make any decisions based on just one. Look for clusters of signs.

Here are some gender-neutral signals of interest that Rachel describes in her book:

Squared off shoulders – if they are positioned so that it seems as if you are opening your hearts to each other, it is a sign that you are receptive and interested in hearing what they have to say. It says loud and clear, “I am listening, and I want to connect with you” – without your having to utter a syllable.

  • Leaning forward
  • Open and animated gestures
  • Lip Licking
  • Flared nostrils
  • Open arms
  • Mirroring – if they are in sync with your movements, they are interested
  • Pointy feet – if they are facing you, they are interested
  • Raised eyebrows – subtle but noticeable
  • Eye contact/Smiling
  • Dilated pupils
  • Preening
  • Laughter
  • Light touches
  • Head tilt – the classic come hither move

Here are some signs women give that Rachel describes in her book:

  • Hair twirling It can be a subconscious sign of nervousness, but it can also be a come-hither signal.
  • Crossed legs If she crosses her legs and her top leg points in your direction, she is interested. If the top leg points away, she might not be (or maybe she just had to switch legs to avoid a cramp…you’ll have to investigate a little further to find out).
  • Wandering fingers If a woman has a drink and she’s attracted to you, she may start to rub the bottom of the glass with her fingertips, or stroke the stem of the wine glass.
  • Touchy feely Especially from a woman, a touch can mean a lot. In a flirting situation, it is one of the most accurate signals that she’s interested.
  • Shoe dance Dangling her shoe off from her toes is a way of showing that she’s comfortable in the situation.

Here are some signs men give that Rachel describes in her book:

  • Guidance As you are walking together, he “guides” you by touching the small of your back or your elbow. It’s a mixture of “Back off, I’ve got her” to other guys, “I’m not going to lose sight of this one” to himself, and “I am going to protect you” to the girl
  • Hands on hips He is trying to accentuate his physical size and confidence (or build up his confidence).
  • Puffed up If he is standing with his muscles contracted and at full attention he is trying to impress you with his stature
  • Legs spread Whether you want it or not, he is sitting across from you giving you a crotch display to indicate what he has got to offer.
  • Tie stroking/hair smoothing/sock adjusting Guys preen too –  they are trying to look good for you because they are interested.
  • Eyebrow flash If a guy is interested he will lift his eyebrows and crinkle his forehead. Just for a quick instant, though.
  • Spread legs while standing If a guy is into you, he will make a stand. Literally. If he squares off to you while standing with his legs shoulder-width apart, he is looking to mate.

As Rachel reminds us, it’s not about judging the situation based on one single sign but rather a cluster of signs. I find watching body language to be fascinating so have fun the next time you are on a date or simply observing people in public.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

How to Gain Confidence and Ask Your Crush Out

pexels-photo-12628-e1472327159134.jpeg

It’s easy to think of a million reasons why you shouldn’t ask your crush out, such as: “She’ll think I’m an idiot”

“I’ll be so embarrassed when she says no”

“I’ll have to see her every day after she says no”

“Her friends will make fun of me”

“My friends will rib me for getting rejected”

And so on.

The tough part is building confidence to surpass these reasons and just going for it. When I am working with male clients, I let them know that it isn’t just building self-esteem in the area of asking women out, it is finding ways to build confidence in every area of your life. I call this “spending more time in the zone”. Through coaching, we first look at activities you are currently doing in your life that you feel confident at. For some men, this is hard and is a real eye-opener that they don’t really feel they are good at anything. In these cases, we start small with perhaps one subject they were good at in school or one way they helped a friend or family member. These are things they are good at and potentially proud of. Then we discuss why they felt good about themselves at the time to help in narrowing down the key attributes for them to be “in the zone”.

For example, a man named Rob who does not spend any time in the zone will wake up, grumble about his day, get through work by counting down the hours, head home, watch TV or play video games and go to bed. Rob wonders why he doesn’t feel good about himself and has zero confidence around women when it has so much to do with how he schedules his day.

To help in building self-esteem, Rob needs to have a day more like this: wake up a bit earlier than usual, throw his runners on and get out for a 30 minute jog, eat a healthy breakfast while listening to his favorite music, write down a positive affirmation for the day, get dressed in some clothes he feels good in, listen to some uplifting music or audio books on the way to work, commit to focusing on the positive aspects of work, head to a co-ed activity after work such as a sport or interest group, head home to a healthy dinner and a good night’s sleep.

Notice how I haven’t talked about asking your crush out yet?!

This is because you need to spend a good amount of time in the zone before you can translate that confidence to your interactions with women. And here are the cheat notes, while you are spending more time in the zone, you can “fake confidence” with women. This is completely okay and in fact, can be endearing and charming to women.

In preparing to ask your crush out, set the stage in a way that works in your favor. Choose your mode of communication based on what has been most common between the two of you up to this point. For example, if your crush is someone you have only spoken to in person a few times, don’t ask them out via email or text. If your communication has mostly been via Facebook or email, and in-person sightings are rare then ask them out via Facebook or email.

Here’s an example of something you can say and you can adjust it based on whether it’s email or in-person, “Hi Cheryl  - I hope you are having a good day – I wanted you to know that I’ve really liked our conversations over the last while and I’d like the opportunity to get to know you better. I was thinking that perhaps this weekend, I could take you out on a date? Let me know which evening or day works best for you.” This encompasses all you need – you pay her a compliment and you give her options on timing. You’ve done what you can in asking her out in a gentlemanly way and building up your confidence in order to do so. Good for you! And if she’s a good fit, she’ll say yes and if she’s not a good fit, you’re free to move on to someone who will be a better suited (hint: someone who is enthusiastic and doesn’t need any convincing on how great you are)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Relationship Advice for Couples Who Never Fight

bench-sea-sunny-man-e1472589924787.jpg

Yes, it’s true, there are couples who never fight and claim they do not have any relationship problems. You may have heard of these elusive couples and picture them happily agreeing about everything and in a constant state of joy. You may still remember a conversation you had long ago with a stranger, saying, “my husband and I never fight”.

How can a couple claim to “never fight?” Well it’s not as clear cut as that. Why? Two reasons are at play here:

One, people have different views on what is defined as “fighting”.

Two, if there are zero disagreements happening, then someone in the relationship is going without what they actually need. It’s an avoidance technique, really. It’s just easier to go without a particular need then to risk a fight asking for it.

Let’s look at reason One first. I was watching a cheesy reality show the other evening and the couple was posing for a photo. The photographer remarked that it would be easier if they’d stop arguing. The wife looked at her and said, “we’re not arguing, we never argue, we’re discussing”. The husband nodded in agreement. To myself and the photographer, they were definitely fighting or at the very least in a heated disagreement. I also know of another couple whom, the way they speak to each other on a daily basis is like one-long-argument. There’s no need to fight because the level of passive aggressiveness that is exchanged on a daily basis doesn’t leave room for it. These are two examples of couples who would say, “they never fight”.

Now let’s look at reason Two. There are couples who don’t fight but that is clearly not okay with one of them. Both men and women can relate to using the “Yes, Dear” approach to potential disagreements because it’s just easier. The problem is that deep down, every time they do this they are telling themselves that they are not worth speaking up for. This is no way to live, and yet it has become their go-to peace-keeping tool. No one wins in this situation and in fact, if you are too much of a yes-woman or a yes-man, it ultimately creates an even deeper issue in the relationship.

There are many couples therapists who would almost congratulate you on having a fight or fights. They agree it’s a good thing and is important to growth in a relationship. Many couples report actually feeling closer to their partner after a big fight because the process of repairing things highlighted needs that were previously overlooked.

In no way am I saying go out and pick a fight with your partner but I do believe healthy disagreements are a good thing. You each need to be reminded now and again where your own boundaries are, as well as your partner’s. You are individuals after all who likely became fully grown adults before you laid eyes on each other so it’s important to keep that person alive within the relationship.

There are no bonus points in the relationship world for being the couple who never fights. There is such a thing as healthy disagreements and a respectful resolution. If you stick to this form of negotiating rough waters in your relationship, you will always grow and feel respected.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!