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5 Ways to Remain Mindful in Online Dating

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I know what you must be thinking. “Mindfulness and online dating? Is it even possible that the two concepts can exist together?” Well, my friend, like any other thing, it’s all in the way you approach it. If you’re considering online dating, or are already doing it, it is possible to both remain mindful and use online dating to find a great date or relationship. Let’s explore how. 1. Interact Authentically

I’ve written before about how to create an attractive, authentic online dating profile. If you haven’t already read the post, I definitely encourage you to do so by clicking here. When it comes to interacting with other users, try to do so with a certain level of self-awareness, intentionality and openness. To be mindful in your online dating journey, it’s important to understand the difference between being authentically friendly and falsely familiar.

2. Explore with Purpose

Instead of browsing profiles aimlessly, whether it is to pass the time or otherwise, I urge you to be purposeful each time you open the app or log onto the site. Setting the intention to explore only the profiles that really match what you’re looking for, and thinking twice about who you “like” or who you message, will help keep you on your true path to finding the right partner.

3. Limit Your Screen Time

We’ve all heard that spending too much time on social media can be detrimental to a person’s self-esteem, self-worth and overall life experience. The same can be said about dating apps and sites, especially as they become more and more popular with more profiles than ever before to flip through. Consider limiting your “screen time” each day to ensure you remain purposeful in your exploration and avoid “app addiction.”

4. Release Feelings of Rejection

When you see a profile that interest you and you send a like or shoot them a message, it’s natural to feel a sort of rush. There’s an exciting anticipation in waiting for a reply from someone you think you might be attracted to, but it’s important to remember to not become too invested this early on. I encourage you to not take any lack of reply as something personal. Don’t allow yourself to feel rejected, because you genuinely haven’t been. And, when you do take a conversation offline and meet for a date, try not to set expectations. Every experience offers the opportunity for learning and reflection.

5. Reflect Regularly & Honestly

Pausing every once in a while to check in with yourself and really evaluate where you’re at and where you want to go is crucial to living your truest, most authentic life. It’s also an incredibly effort when it comes to online dating. It can be easy to become passive and settle into a routine of logging on, checking profiles, sending a few messages and calling it a day. Remember to take time to reflect on the results you’re seeing (or not seeing), what’s working and what’s not. Be honest with yourself without being critical and commit to taking the steps you need in order to be successful in your journey.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

5 Tips for Crafting the Most Attractive Online Dating Profile Possible

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When it comes to finding love in the world of online dating, there’s no magic potion or scientific equation to make it happen. But, with more than a third of today’s relationships starting online, there are certain things that have proven to increase your odds. To help find your ideal relationship, I want to talk to you about how to build the most attractive online dating profile possible so you can start connecting with more of the right guys now, no matter which online dating site or app you’re using. Let’s dig in!

1. Build a Great Gallery

When curating your photo gallery, keep in mind these two things: A picture speaks a thousand words, and men are very visual beings. Select a handful of photos that truly exemplify who you are and what you’re all about. Opt for action shots over selfies, and make sure you put your best foot – or, in this case, face – forward. That means smile! Your profile picture and gallery are what will catch a man’s eye and pique his interest in learning more about you.

2. Embrace Positivity & Authenticity

Like attracts like, so always remember to stay positive when writing your profile. Rather than listing what you’re not looking for in your next relationship, focus on the things you love and what you are seeking. And be honest! If you’re not looking for a serious relationship, don’t be afraid to say so. But, if you are looking for something long-term, don’t pretend you’re open to something more casual if you’re really not.

3. Keep it Short & Sweet

We just discussed how a picture is worth a thousand words, right? So, it’s probably no surprise that I would encourage you to keep your “About Me” short and sweet. When it comes to your bio, it’s about quality rather than quantity. Introduce yourself, tell the reader what makes you tick, but don’t feel as though you need to tell your entire life story or type until you hit the character limit. Write with your goal in mind – to show off your personality, pique a potential match’s interest and start a conversation.

4. Be Your Original Self

One of the benefits, and drawbacks, of online dating is the ability to filter and control what information you share, and what information you don’t. Anonymity can be an incredibly empowering thing, but remember that your ultimate objective is to start a conversation online so you can build a relationship offline. Let your authentic, original self shine in both your photos and your words. Never use language you wouldn’t actually use in real life and definitely don’t feel as though you need to create a “sexier” or “more interesting” persona in order to get messages. You are already amazing. All you’ve got to do is showcase it.

5. Spellcheck

Friend, you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard a client speak about an online profile they found attractive only to stumble across spelling and grammatical errors and be totally turned off. We’re all human, we all make mistakes and – quite honestly – typos happen to the best of us. Luckily, there’s this little thing called “Spellcheck” that I absolutely, 100%, completely recommend you use before you push your online dating profile live. Certain personalities tend to find spelling mistakes more distracting than others, but it’s a good rule of thumb to avoid ‘em whenever possible.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Why It’s Time to Try a Dating App… And How to Choose Between Tinder, Hinge & Bumble

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Is it time to try a dating app? It’s funny to think that online dating has been around since the nineties and yet, it’s only the last few years that it really and truly became culturally “mainstream.” Just as it happened, a new wave of matchmaking apps have sprung up and started quickly outpacing desktop counterparts. You've likely heard these names popping up in conversation: Tinder, Hinge and Bumble. To think that there’s an entire directory of people on these apps, just like you, looking for a connection at your literal fingertips – why wouldn’t you want to give it a try?

There’s really never been a better time and each app offers its own unique features, benefits and (sometimes) pricing scheme. So, dear friend, I’m here to help.  Let’s talk about the most popular dating apps out there and what really makes them better (or worse) so you can choose the one that makes the most sense for your unique wants and needs. Ready? Let’s go!

1. Tinder

If you’re not into the idea of professing your love (or like, in this case) for someone only to learn they don’t feel the same way, then Tinder is a great option for you. When you swipe to indicate your interest in somebody, they’ll only ever see that you did it if they also like you back. It works the same the other way around too, so it saves everyone involved the awkwardness of putting yourself out there only to wind up feeling shut down. Plus, Tinder requires that you have a Facebook profile in order to create an account and can even show you the Facebook friends that you have in common with a match, so it adds an extra level of comfort and security that you don’t always find with other dating apps.

Oh, and did I mention that Tinder has around 50 million monthly active users? The odds have never been more in your favour, friend! Tinder is often touted as the most popular mobile dating app. With its ever growing pools of singles in towns and cities all across the world, you’re sure to find several matches in your first day of use.

When getting started on Tinder, make sure you set yourself up for success. If your goal really is to find a great, offline date on the app, then make it happen. Spend some time on your opening line. It should feel natural and really speak to who you are as a person and what your view is on life. Choose a recent, smiling photo of yourself and limit the number of selfies you add to your profile. You want the guy you’re looking for to be able to get a quick understanding of who you are, what you’re into and your overall style without having to read through paragraphs or swipe his way through an entire album of photos. And when you do start browsing, make sure you really do read the profiles that attract you. It can be all too easy to get carried away and go a little “swipe” happy on Tinder, but not every great smile is going to be a great match. Opening lines and profile info are there to help you narrow down your search, so use them!

2. Hinge

Hinge takes the idea of being set up by friends and brings it into the mobile world. Their tagline is, “Meet someone through friends you trust,” and it’s pretty darn fitting. It relies on its users synching the app with their social media accounts to be connected through mutual friends. Something different, but very helpful, about Hinge is that it will only show you a limited number of matches each day. This helps you really focus in on each individual profile and not feel the “profile overwhelm” that can happen when you see pages and pages of matches.

How Hinge further fulfills its promise to help you “meet” someone is with its new time limit feature. Once you see that you have a match, you only have 24 hours to strike up a conversation. Then, once you begin chatting, you’re limited to 14 days to continue chatting with the mobile app. This is all designed to encourage people to use the app to find connections and then take them where they belong – into the offline world. If you’ve been looking for that extra push to meet someone new, Hinge might be the choice for you.

When using Hinge to find your next date, take advantage of the fact that you only have 24 hours after becoming a match to strike up a conversation. Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation going, and if you feel there’s a spark, suggest you take the conversation offline and meet up at a neutral coffee shop or wine bar. Texting can be great, but it can also lead to a state of limbo where you’re no longer on the app, but you also haven’t met in real life. Keep the momentum going and see where the spark takes you!

3. Bumble

It’s no wonder Bumble is doing so spectacularly well – a former co-founder of mega dating app Tinder launched it! One thing that Bumble does differently than many other dating apps, however, is focus on improving the dating experience for women specifically. How does it do this? Similarly to Tinder, you’re able to swipe through profiles and either show your interest or skip to the next. However, when you make a match with another profile, it’s up to the female user to initiate the conversation.

Yep, you read that right, only female users can send the first message. After that first message is sent, you can go back and forth with that user for as long as you like – but guys have got to wait for the lady to strike up the conversation that first time around. What this does is create a safer, less overwhelming space for genuinely interested people to connect with likeminded individuals. In its initial few months of existence, Bumble reported more mindful, responsible and thoughtful behaviour from both genders. It’s worth a try!

If you’re getting set up on Bumble, I’d recommend choosing a great profile picture that showcases your natural beauty and genuine smile just like on any other mobile app. What I’d also recommend you to do on Bumble, unlike what I’d recommend on Tinder, is to be a bit bolder when it comes to striking up conversations with matches. Since the app relies on females initiating conversation, you really can’t wait for him to make the first move. So, put yourself out there and get the conversations going – you never know who you’ll wind up hitting it off with!

All three apps are free, although Tinder does offer premium features for a small fee. No matter which you choose to try, signing up won’t take longer than a few minutes and, if you don’t like it, it’s as easy as uninstalling. Don’t forget, I’m always here if you need a confidence boost before your first date or need a bit of help crafting a profile that really showcases your authentic self.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

The Best Free Online Dating Sites ... and The Worst Ones, Too

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This is a question that comes up a lot. Should I pay for online dating? The answer is kind of yes and kind of no. I’ll explain so it’s easier to make a decision. There was a time, maybe about 5 or 6 years ago when it was clear you went on free sites to hook up and paid sites to find a relationship. That is no longer the case. What I have found to be true is the user needs to be willing to change their online behaviour to receive the desired results. For example, if you set up a profile on OKCupid (free), and you say you are looking to just casually get to know people and make some friends, you will be approached for everything from hook-ups to relationships. However, if you go on OKCupid and it’s clear you are just looking for a relationship, you will deter most of the people looking to just hook up. Notice I said “most” – as we all know, there are many people out there who will message you regardless of what you say in your profile. Just press Delete for those.

I’ve compared results many times trying to determine the best site to recommend but the results vary so much, it is difficult – even for a dating coach! What I do know is almost all successful matches come from eHarmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. Just when I think I’m onto something and really convinced that say “women get better results on eHarmony”, I get two emails from women who met their match on OK Cupid.

Here are some stats to consider from a recent study:

Messages sent to paid sites were 46.9% more likely to get a response than those sent to free sites. Of the successful messages, those sent to paid sites were 44% more likely to progress to a date. So essentially you are twice as likely to set up a date if you take a proactive approach on a paid site.

And here is a snapshot of a recent article featured on YourTango.com:

There was another study published in Current Psychology that gathered a group of 145 participants (86 female and 59 male) and asked them to simulate signing up and paying for and online dating site upfront. Afterward, participants were told that the website had found a match, but the person was missing a couple preferred qualities. Then, researchers informed them that a friend was offering to arrange a blind date with someone who sounded like their perfect match. Participants had to go on dates with both matches but were given an hour to split between them. Now, we’d think that any sane person would devote 50 minutes to the superior match and 10 minutes to the inferior one, just to scope that person out. Researchers, however, found that the time people gave to the inferior match depended on how much the dating site cost. For instance, men who paid $50 upfront spent 49 minutes on the online date, while those who paid nothing spent only 28 minutes on the same date. By extension, people who pay for online dating services are more likely to contact matches more selectively. At the same time, the study does not measure what people consider and investment. Money is an obvious one, but what about time? People who use free sites may spend so much time completing quizzes, filling out the profive and doing surveys that they’ll end up seeing those hours as commitment.

CLICK HERE FOR A VERY HELPFUL AND THOROUGH REVIEW OF ONLINE DATING SITES

Confused yet? Let me help you make a decision.

If you are looking for a serious relationship, my advice is to use a mixture of paid and free dating sites. For example, try eHarmony and OK Cupid for 90 days and then switch to Match.com and Plenty of Fish if you’re not getting the results you want. Then from there, you want to pick the two sites that you’ve experienced the best results from and continue with them until it’s time to take your profile down because you’re now in a successful relationship.

CLICK HERE FOR A VERY HELPFUL AND THOROUGH REVIEW OF ONLINE DATING SITES

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Ask the Expert: Expert Online Dating Photo Tips

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Question:I am so new to this whole online dating thing. I’ve got my profile somewhat written but I don’t seem to have any good pictures of myself. Most of them are old or with friends/family. Do you have online dating photo tips on what to do without spending a fortune on a photographer?

Answer:

If you are single and looking, online dating needs to be part of your repertoire. In North America alone, there are more than 50 million singles registered with online dating sites, making tech-romance an integral part of today’s culture.

When working with date coaching clients, the first thing I assess on their profile is their photo.

They must receive an ‘A’ Grade or we can’t move forward. Yup, it’s THAT important.

Here are my recommendations on ensuring an ‘A’ Grade on your photo:

1. Go through all of your photos that have been taken within the last year. 2. Create a folder in your documents entitled, “ME FAVORITES”. 3. Put any photo of yourself in there that you like. Make sure they are just photos of you and no one else. There are some exceptions if you can cleanly cut out a friend who is standing next to you but you don’t want a picture of you with a random body-less arm around your shoulders. 4. If you don’t currently have photos of yourself, put a call out to friends or family members who might have photos of you on their camera. 5. If you have a Facebook profile, double check it to see if there are any good photos that might have been tagged of you. 6. Get every last picture you find organized into your “ME FAVORITES” folder.

Still no photos of yourself that you like?

Book a time with a friend, family member or co-worker. Maybe there is someone in your network who has always been good at taking photos. If you still can’t think of anyone, go onto Craigslist and peruse the ads for photographers looking to build portfolios. You may even get a free session. With this said though: do-not-sign-up-for-a-cheesy-portrait-session.

For the fun photo session, here are the tips:

1. Get dressed up in your favorite outfits and experiment with a few different looks. Try sassy, serious, fun, and approachable. Don’t be over the top with your poses. A great smile is most attractive. 2. Your aim is to get two good pictures, one a close up of your face and one a full body shot. It may take 60 photos before you find one you like, but make sure the one you select is a fair representation of who you really are. 3. Avoid wearing black. Wear red or have it in the background. This will really help your photo stand out. 4. Try various settings and lighting until you think you’ve really got it. 5. A good way to get a full body shot is to have your friend stand on a stool slightly above you so that you can look up toward the camera. Don’t look down; this isn’t flattering for anyone. 6. If you need to add a 3rd photo, make it an action shot of you hiking or biking or engaging in some activity outside of posing. 7. Please don’t use a webcam. 8. Don’t crop or scribble people out of your photos 9. Ladies, try not to pose with a baby in an effort to show how great of a mother you’d be (or are). That goes for you too guys, no posing with babies. 10. One last thing: Ladies, if you pose “pouty” or sexy, don’t get mad when men contact you just for sex. Men are only responding to your photo so be accountable for that.

Overall, you want your photo to be warm and inviting and show the authentic you.

Don’t try to look like someone you’re not or don’t only post photos of you looking your absolute best.

And remember, your ultimate goal is to transfer you from online to offline dating so choose photos that are attractive but realistic to who you are on a daily basis.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Do You Have The Right Dating “Vibe”?

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I’ve been coaching single women for over 12 years and there are two traits that tend to come up quite often. Either a woman is having trouble dating because she comes across as Desperate or she comes across as Detached. The right dating "vibe" is imperative to attracting the kind of guy that you're looking for. First, let’s talk about coming across as Desperate. It’s easy to think of someone you know that gives off that vibe but what about yourself? Think back on your dating history and ask yourself if there are times you may have come across as an el desperado? (Don’t make yourself feel bad though – just observe) Did you panic if a guy didn’t call you back? Did you call the phone company to see if there was something wrong with your phone? Did you take huge offense if the guy you’re dating heads to the baseball game with his buddies and doesn’t take you?

When men speak to me about women who they have met who come across as desperate, they have said things like:

“Well I asked for her phone number and then she was asking me all these questions about when I was going to call and if I needed a back up number and that if she doesn’t pick up to leave a message” You may be familiar with that scene from the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”

Guys pick up on this desperate vibe and it’s a huge turn-off so don’t underestimate it. It’s definitely an area that you cannot outsmart men in – they smell the desperado vibe from across the room. (Just like women pick up on it with men)

Having a Detached vibe is something entirely different.

Many women I have coached came to me with a bit of a flippant attitude about dating and men. They complained that no men ever approached them. I sensed right away that they didn’t exhibit any intrigue. It wasn’t that these women were not totally interesting with really cool lives, but they had developed this huge wall around them that pushed men away. They thought they were engaged in meeting men but they weren’t. I would sometimes see this at my speed-dating events years ago where women would make the effort to sign up for an event, get dressed up and then once they arrived they gave off a vibe that they could care less if they met anyone.

I’m here to say that it is not a sign of weakness to show in a warm and somewhat subtle way that you are open to meeting someone to date. It’s okay! Being detached will only create stress and cause you to miss so many opportunities to meet men that you are presented with.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Ask the Expert: Is Online Dating Right For Me?

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Question: Dear Christine,

 

After being in a long term relationship for 2 years and then taking a year to get over the breakup, I’m finally ready to get back out into the dating scene and want to meet someone serious. I’ve heard a lot about online dating, but just not sure if it’s for me? Do online dating sites really work, are there tips you can share for how to ensure success when filtering through the sea of weirdo’s and delinquents? Or are there other dating methods / services you would suggest? Is online dating right for me?

Many Thanks, Online Dating Skeptic

Answer: Dear Online Skeptic,

Despite our aversion, online dating is here to stay. When you’re single, it will serve you better to learn how to be a good and efficient online dater rather than ignoring it and wishing it would just go away. Online Dating is increasing in popularity every year. Experiencing success online is a science though and requires you to develop some new skills. No one goes online and experiences mountains of success right away. It requires a thoughtful strategy that minimizes frustration and increases effectiveness.

Here are a few small tips:

1. To get a really good feel for online dating, I suggest signing up on 3 websites for 90 days. At the end of the 90 days, you are either going to be in a successful relationship or you are going to really know which website works best for you and can drop the sites you aren’t enjoying as much.

2. When you are creating a profile, be honest but keep it short. Be honest about your goals – if you are looking for something serious, don’t shy away from coming right out and saying it in a positive and light way. Too often I see people wanting to be in a long-term, committed relationship but their profile says something like “oh, I’m just looking to meet new people”.

3. Don’t go on about what you ‘don’t’ want, only talk about what you do want and what you have to offer. Don’t write what you think people want to hear. When choosing your photos, don’t have more than 3 or 4 and make sure you include one that is a close-up of your face and one that is a full body shot.

4. When you are interacting with people online, follow your instincts. Let your creep-o-meter guide your decisions. Don’t feel bad about jumping to conclusions when all his photos are with other women or his profile contains a lot of sexual references.

There really are some great people looking for love online but part of the science is developing the patience to weed through the ‘no’s’.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Winning At Online Dating With A Photo

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If you are single and looking, online dating needs to be part of your repertoire. In North America alone, there are more than 50 million singles registered with online dating sites, making tech-romance an integral part of today’s culture.

When working with date coaching clients, the first thing I assess on their profile is their photo. They must receive an ‘A’ Grade or we can’t move forward. Yup, it’s THAT important.

Here are my recommendations on ensuring an ‘A’ Grade on your photo: 1. Go through all of your photos that have been taken within the last year. 2. Create a folder in your documents entitled, “ME FAVORITES”. 3. Put any photo of yourself in there that you like. Make sure they are just photos of you and no one else. There are some exceptions if you can cleanly cut out a friend who is standing next to you but you don’t want a picture of you with a random body-less arm around your shoulders. 4. If you don’t currently have photos of yourself, put a call out to friends or family members who might have photos of you on their camera. 5. If you have a Facebook profile, double check it to see if there are any good photos that might have been tagged of you. 6. Get every last picture you find organized into your “ME FAVORITES” folder.

Still no photos of yourself that you like? Book a time with a friend, family member or co-worker. Maybe there is someone in your network who has always been good at taking photos. If you still can’t think of anyone, go onto Craigslist and peruse the ads for photographers looking to build portfolios. You may even get a free session. With this said though: do-not-sign-up-for-a-cheesy-portrait-session. For the fun photo session, here are the tips: 1. Get dressed up in your favorite outfits and experiment with a few different looks. Try sassy, serious, fun, and approachable. Don’t be over the top with your poses. A great smile is most attractive. 2. Your aim is to get two good pictures, one a close up of your face and one a full body shot. It may take 60 digital photos before you find one you like, but make sure the one you select is a fair representation of who you really are. 3. Avoid wearing black. Wear red or have it in the background. This will really help your photo stand out. 4. Try various settings and lighting until you think you’ve really got it. 5. A good way to get a full body shot is to have your friend stand on a stool slightly above you so that you can look up toward the camera. Don’t look down; this isn’t flattering for anyone. 6. If you need to add a 3rd photo, make it an action shot of you hiking or biking or engaging in some activity outside of posing. 7. Please don’t use a webcam. 8. Don’t crop or scribble people out of your photos 9. Ladies, try not to pose with a baby in an effort to show how great of a mother you’d be (or are). That goes for you too guys, no posing with babies. 10. One last thing: Ladies, if you pose “pouty” or sexy, don’t get mad when men contact you just for sex. Men are only responding to your photo so be accountable for that.

Overall, you want your photo to be warm and inviting and show the authentic you. Don’t try to look like someone you’re not or don’t only post photos of you looking your absolute best.

And remember, our ultimate goal is to transfer you from online to offline dating.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!