New Year, Renewed Love: How to Make Your Relationship Feel New Again… No Matter How Long You’ve Been Together

For many people across the world, the New Year offers the unique opportunity to resolve to make a change. It offers the chance to take a step forward and become a better version of one’s self. It’s a time that offers a feeling of renewal, hope and opportunity. For those in relationships, this could mean resolving to make a change, or improvement, as a partnership. What I’d like to share with you in this post, dear friend, is how to see the New Year as an opportunity to do just that. Resolve, along with your partner, to renewing the sense of joy and “newness” that you once had in your relationship – no matter how long you’ve been together for at this point. Let's talk about how to make your relationship feel new again. There are so many incredible things that people discover and learn about one another as they embark on a life together. The countless shared experiences help both partners grow, evolve and get to know each other on a profoundly deep level. At the same time, however, relationships do tend to lose the fresh or new feeling – and the excitement that comes with those sensations – the early stages had.

And, you know what? It happens all the time and it's actually unavoidable. Every couple experiences it. In this day and age, it can be difficult to slow down and search out that feeling of excitement. You both have jam-packed schedules and are always on the go. Evenings and weekends are likely to fill up fast with so many things to do that, at the end of the day, you haven’t any time to spare. But as things slow down around the holidays, and the New Year rolls around with its reminder to resolve, there’s really no better time. So, let’s explore how you can make your relationship feel new again. All it takes is your commitment and a few simple steps!

1. Plan Quality Time Together, Just Like When You First Met

When you were first getting to know each other, however long ago that might have been, surely you didn’t sit with devices in hand, half-watching TV and making minimal conversation. Car rides together were filled with conversation, questions and new discoveries. Dinners out were romantic, adventurous and brimming with possibilities of what might happen after. Make this sort of real, committed quality time a priority in the New Year. Even if it’s once a week, set aside a couple of hours during which there are zero distractions and give yourselves the opportunity to reconnect and rediscover one another. Don't shy away from using resources like lists of icebreaker questions or deeper random ones you can easily find online. You don't have to come up with everything on your own!

2. Be Open to Trying Something New

You’ll probably find that, as you begin to put yourself in a new relationship mindset, a certain sense of spontaneity emerges within you both. Be open to this unpredictability and be truly open to trying new things. It could be a new restaurant, a spontaneous trip out of the city, something adventurous in the bedroom or anything in between. Try your best to keep an open mind and go with the flow – sometimes it’s these sort of unplanned situations that allow immense growth to reveal itself.

3. Regularly Practice Gratitude and Appreciation

When you first began dating, you were likely to appreciate even the smallest of gestures made by your partner. Now, years or even decades later, you’ve probably grown accustomed to these same gestures. They’re no longer as special or notable as they used to be. Why is that? Well, friend, it’s because after time we grow more comfortable and can forget to practice appreciation as we once did. This New Year, I encourage you to resolve to practicing appreciation on a regular basis. Show your partner that you acknowledge and appreciate even the simplest of gestures such as making dinner or jumping out of the car to pump the gas. Remember that both of you give and take and that your partner is deserving of celebration just as you are. Men and women equally like to feel appreciated, and trust me, there is no way you can become overly appreciative as long as it is coming from a genuine place and a dedication to your partnership.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Soulmates vs. Twin flames: The Differences You Need To Know

Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed to get so serious, so deep and so real so fast, that it was almost as if reality couldn’t keep up? Maybe you were planning how you’d decorate your shared home a week into your relationship. Perhaps you were thinking of excuses to call into work sick or skip out on plans with friends, all so you could spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with your newfound partner. If you have ever experienced anything like this in a new relationship, Matt Kahn shares that it was, and is, most likely a twin flame situation. Now, if you’ve never heard of the term “twin flame” you’re not alone. It’s a widely discussed, and often debated, term in the realm of spirituality but hasn’t quite made its way to the mainstream. At least, not to the same extent as its “soulmate” counterpart. That’s why I thought that it would make for an interesting blog and newsletter topic this month. So, keep on reading to learn the differences between what makes a soulmate relationship, or soul contract, and what makes one a twin flame. If, at the end, you’d like to learn even more, I highly recommend watching this video by spiritual thought leader, Matt Kahn.

First, let’s continue to talk about what exactly makes a relationship a twin flame relationship. Then we’ll move into soulmates.

Twin flame relationships can usually be described as fast burning, fast tracked and almost chaotic in the way that the relationship quickly becomes all encompassing. Almost right off the bat, you find yourself getting really deep and really serious with your partner – even if you’ve only seen each other a few times. You make plans for the future, even though your friends and family can’t believe you’re already getting so serious. The thing is, you’re making those plans because your own soul knows that this relationship can help you evolve. This relationship is happening because your soul (and likely your partner’s) isn’t truly ready for your soulmate just yet.

While twin flame relationships can be fiercely fun, incredibly romantic and life altering, they’re not entirely realistic. In fact, they are usually filled with volatility, hostility and drama. That same intense energy that you feel in the good times fuels the bad times tenfold. It’s this intensity that often, understandably, leads people to mistake twin flames for soulmates. However, the intensity is too great to be sustainable and will often, almost inevitably, lead to destruction.  Something to note, however, is that twin flames can become soulmates and sometimes do. I will seriously stress that “sometimes”, though, as more often than not these types of relationships go the other way.

Soulmate relationships, on the near opposite end of the spectrum to twin flame; can be looked at as both partners becoming the living embodiments of their highest potential. This, then, allows them to manifest an equal counterpart. You are with each other because you are at a level that you are ready for each other. It’s way more relaxed, easier, more balanced and everything falls into place. Sure, you still have arguments and disagreements but there is a fundamental difference in how you grow together. You grow in balance to one another and arguments, for the most part, really just solve themselves. You don’t hold onto things to use against one another, you know that your love is more important and more valuable than building a stockpile of comebacks for your next debate. The friction that sometimes rears its head in a soulmate relationship works itself our naturally – resolution is never forced.

In describing both types of relationships, something that I truly want to stress is something that Matt also speaks to near the end of his video talk. When it comes to mental, verbal, emotional, physical or any other form of abuse in a relationship, there is no such thing as working on it or accepting it for what it is. In a soul contract where there is toxicity, you owe it to yourself to put yourself anywhere but there. He urges his listeners to not get caught up in the feeling of there only being “one” soulmate for them. There are many soulmates and twin flames awaiting you in the world, and you will never deserve toxicity.

I encourage you to take some time to look at past relationships (or even current ones!) that were particularly intense. It's more than likely, it was a twin flame relationship. Reflect on what the lesson was for you. What did you learn from that twin flame? I have come to believe twin flame relationships are honestly your training ground for soulmate relationships.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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What You Can Learn by Traveling With Your Partner

  Summer is finally here and that means vacation days, long weekends and (hopefully) a bit of travel. Whether you’re gearing up for a month-long adventure abroad or are looking ahead to a weekend escape to the cottage, travel can teach you a lot about yourself and your partner. Sometimes it tests you; many times it strengthens your bond and it near always reveals something new about your relationship. Here are some of my top reminders to pack along:

outside comfort zone

1. Breaking from routine reveals true personality traits

Alarm clocks, commutes and hectic evenings can steal the spontaneity out of even the most adventurous souls. Breaking from routine and familiar surroundings can reveal true, at-rest personality traits that may otherwise be tucked away during everyday life. You may be reminded of how funny or caring your partner is, or you may remember how messy and disorganized they are. The same can be said for what your partner may re-recognize in you. For better or worse, you’ll get to see each other in a more natural, at rest state than you have in a long time and have the opportunity to learn and grow away from the hustle and bustle.

compromise

2. How you travel reflects how you manage compromise

No matter where you go, it’s impossible to do absolutely everything you want to do in the time that you have. What you decide to do, and in what order, shows how you and your partner compromise and reflects the balance in your relationship. Do you put down your foot and insist on seeing your “must visit” attractions? Or, do you make a list of what you both would like to do and see where you can level out? Just as in a healthy relationship, travel requires a certain amount of give and take. You may be surprised at how well you manage compromise, or may realize you have a bit of work to do.

curveballs

3. Life will throw you curveballs… and you can bet travel will too

Travel has its ups and downs just like life does. Missing a connection, delayed flights, overbooked hotels and misplacing keys or IDs can cause serious stress. Adjusting to different time zones and traveling through the night can also leave you feeling some major exhaustion. Watch to see how your partner, and how you, react to these situations. Try to exercise patience and understanding if and when things go awry. Feeling sluggish? Let your natural optimism shine and remind yourself that you are amazingly lucky to be able to travel with the one you love and that a little bit of jet lag now will be worth packing another day of memories into the trip. You can learn a lot about your partner by how they handle the same situations, too.

cultures

4. New cultures and experiences can reveal untapped passions

Experiencing Latin America for the first time may help you realize that your partner loves dancing, or that you have a thirst for experiencing more to life. Walking through art galleries and museums may awaken a passion for painting or photography, possibly a hobby you can share with your partner. As you travel and experience new things together, you’ll see your individual and collective tastes and interests evolve. Seeing new parts of the world and challenging yourself to step outside of your comfort zones keeps you both developing as people as well as a partnership. Do it as often as you can!

friendship core

5. At the core of your relationship is a deep friendship

Nothing reminds couples of the fundamental friendship they share more than travel. Whether it’s making silly poses next to the British Guard or throwing back a cold one at a Munich beer hall, you’re there to enjoy each other’s company. And, most often, travel means that you’ll be out and about more than you’ll be at your hotel. So, while surely there will be some time for romance, there’s much more time to explore your intense friendship and just have fun.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How Welcoming the New Year with Tidying Can Bring Love to Your Life

So often around New Year's we become completely focused on feeling like the only single person in a world that seems filled with couples. The unsolicited advice on why we haven't found someone yet doesn't help either. So given all of this, wouldn't it be nice to encourage a totally different approach to our love life as we welcome in the New Year? I truly believe it’s the perfect time to go within, create quiet space on your own and wind down a year… and then welcome a brand new one. Often when I work with clients, we "clear the clutter" in order to invite love into our lives. It’s an excellent opportunity to take care of the things in your life that are causing you stress in your world. Annnnd, hint, hint, what I'm really getting at here is when your "to do" list doesn't seem so gigantic, you are more likely to create time to make your love life a priority. :) 1) Clothes & Laundry

I know, you might be thinking, "Christine, really? Laundry?" It's about cleansing, so the first step I encourage you to do is take everything out of your closet and drawers and really look at it. Which pieces make you happy? Are there some things you might wear after a good dry clean? You want to get your closet to a place where you love everything so if you don't love it, give it away or prep it for consignment. This brings me to laundry, the consignment pile can be washed and prepped. With items that you want to keep, divide them into categories so that you don't have lots of duplicates or to just double check that everything fits well and is in good shape.

2) The Kitchen

Something as simple as reorganizing the kitchen cupboards can make way for a strong sense of lightness in a person’s life.  Feeling as though you have less to do when you arrive home at the end of the day will keep your chore list from weighing you down and will allow you to say, "Yes!" more easily to new opportunities! When making your way through your kitchen cupboards, be sure to only keep the items that you regularly use. Have you never, ever used a mixing bowl but can't bear to part with it? Commit to using it at least once a month. If a month later you still haven't used it, then it's time to reconsider. Another tip I once read about is to make sure that every single ingredient, dish and appliance is within reach. Everything in your kitchen should be easily accessible. If it isn't, you're surely not going to use it - now or in the future. Group items in your fridge that you don't use very often and try to keep them separate from the items you use regularly. And, dear friend, don't forget to tackle the freezer - a great place to let go of things we haven't felt inspired to use. Create space!

3) Purge What Doesn’t Bring You Joy

Marie Kondo, famed Japanense organizing consultant, regularly emphasizes the importance of discarding belongings that do not “spark joy.” As you walk through your home or make your way room to room, place your hands on every single item and ask yourself, “Does this bring me joy?” If the answer is no, or if you can’t make up your mind, it’s time to say goodbye to that item. Wherever you live, there are donation centres that would jump at the chance to bring your items to someone in need. The items that no longer bring you joy or spark a true feeling of love will surely bring those feelings to someone else. Kondo advises to act quickly and swiftly and not let a friend or family member look through your “discard bags” as they’re likely to talk you out of cleansing all that you’ve chosen to. So many women have fallen in love with this method of choosing what stays and what goes, so why not you?

4) Make Getting Ready Exciting

You know that sense of excitement you get when you try on a new lipstick or get to wear a new dress or pair of jeans that make you look amazing? Bring that spectacular, “I look goooood” feeling to your every morning by creating a closet and “getting ready” space that works with you – instead of against you. A squished, messy and overfilled closet is much more likely to bring about feelings of anxiety than excitement. So, when you think about having to pick out an outfit for a date or find something to wear to grab a drink with friends, it’s no wonder you may be tempted to say “No, thanks.”

By cleansing your closet, drawers and “getting ready” area and allowing all of the items left to breathe and own their own space; you’ll make getting ready exciting again. You’ll rediscover your personal style and the clothing and beauty products that make you happiest.

5) Say Goodbye Without Guilt

Guilt is one of the strongest reasons we hold onto items from the past. Perhaps you bought a t-shirt or skirt that you’ve never worn. Does tossing it without having even worn it once make you feel guilty? Maybe your mother gave you a vase or dish that you know you’ll never use. But, does handing it over to someone else make you feel guilty for getting rid of something you received as a gift?

Guilt is not a reason to leave your home cluttered or to hold onto anything that doesn’t expressly bring you feelings of joy. Remind yourself that the things you no longer love (or perhaps never loved to begin with) will bring happiness and delight to someone else. And, dear friend, know that your happiness is so much more important than finding valuable storage space for something you neither love nor plan to use.

Doing these seemingly small but impactful things helps clear up space in your life, mind and heart so you won’t feel as bogged down as you start 2016. You’ll feel less inclined to decline a night out or weekend away because you took the time to focus your energy on you in order to set yourself up for success.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How to Say "Yes" to Love, Even if You Haven't Met Anyone Yet

One of the most common reasons people give as to why they stop dating or close themselves off from love is, “I just never seem to find anybody right for me.” Spending time and money on online dating, speed dating or even just the emotional spend of meeting people through friends or family can get old fast when you feel that it just “never works out.” If you feel this way, I want you to know that I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s in our nature to avoid doing something if we know it didn't work out last time around. But, should we really be treating finding love the same way we treat finding the right hobby or sport? You guessed it, friend. The answer is a resounding, "No!"

Something I talk about quite often is that, in love and life, it’s so incredibly important to keep an open mind and open heart. Lately, I find that I can't say it enough! While it might sound corny, I truly do believe that things happen for a reason – and always in their own time. There are some things that we simply can’t force, rush or make happen simply by planning. Love, and I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this, is one of those things.

So, how are you supposed to stay open to the idea of love when things haven’t been going your way? Why should you say “yes” to love if you feel that you never meet anyone right for you? These are both incredibly valid questions. In fact, they're the reasons I’m writing this post today. I want to give you some real, actionable ways that you can begin opening yourself up to the possibility of love starting today. I think you’ll find that when you open your mind and heart, that’s when the real magic starts to happen. So, let's jump into it!

1. Leave the Story in the Past, but Take the Lesson with You

Everyone, at some point, has experienced a bad relationship. It may have been romantic. It could have been a friendship. Or, it could even have been with a coworker. When it comes down to it, something went wrong and things didn’t turn out. What I really, really want you to do is to leave that negative experience in the past and not carry it with you on your journey forward.

While failed relationships can offer great opportunities for learning, it’s important that you recognize the learning for what it is and only take that forward in your life – and that you leave the rest in the past. It’s natural to want to protect yourself and to put up walls or barriers, but when you start building more and more of these walls you eventually become entirely closed off. And that makes it even harder for fantastic, new people to make their way into your life.

2. Be Ready for Love by Loving Yourself

I’ve written before about the concept of “like attracting like.” If you’re self-critical and so focused on all the reasons why someone else wouldn’t like you, you’re not opening yourself up to meeting someone – and certainly not allowing for a relationship to truly flourish. It’s been said time and time again, but you honestly do have to learn to love yourself before you’ll truly be comfortable putting yourself out there and saying “yes” to love with another person.

I’d encourage you to browse through some of my older posts to read the different ways you can foster greater self-acceptance and self-love. I believe you’ll find that when you are your happiest, most authentic self is when you’ll attract the right people into your life.

3. Give Yourself a Break

Something I know can be tough to deal with is societal pressure – and this absolutely includes pressure from friends and family. This "pressure" that I speak of may come in the form of them asking about why you’re single. It may come in the form of a comment like, “If you want a family then you better settle down soon!” These types of comments aren’t always meant to be hurtful. In fact, the people saying them usually have no idea the negative energy the words can carry. These types of thoughts have been engrained into people’s heads by way of societal pressure and what society defines as “normal.” The thing is, there is no real “normal.”

We live in a world that’s evolving faster than ever before. More women are building careers and working full time than ever before. Industries are changing, booming and collapsing at rapid speeds. People aren’t living in one place for all their lives and are traveling more than any previous generation. Everything, and I mean everything, is moving faster and in new and different ways and we're all just along for the thrilling ride. There are so many factors at play that didn’t exist in the past. And yet, for some reason, the expectation as to what a “societal norm” should be really hasn’t caught up. And, hey, that's really not a bad thing. Norms aren't a healthy, beneficial way of thinking - so let's leave that all in the past and push forward.

So, friend, I challenge you to kick any and all pressure you've been feeling to the curb. Rushing into a relationship with someone who may not be a truly genuine fit for you, just because you want to start a family by a certain age or tick things off of a "to do" list, likely isn’t going to fill your heart with joy in the long run. Given that we only have one life to live, I encourage you to give yourself a break. Just slow down, take a breath and allow yourself to make the most out of this crazy, incredible life you’ve been given. And when that true, overwhelming love finds its way into your life, the rest will fall into place from there.

4. When You Feel a Spark, Fan It!

The last point I want to share before I close off today’s post and let you return to your much-deserved weekend is that, when you feel a spark, you mustn't be afraid to fan it and see what happens. Don’t let yourself get caught up with what “might” happen – good or bad – and just go with it. We, as humans, tend to spend a lot of time over-thinking and analyzing things. What we need to remind ourselves to do, however, is to let go and really allow ourselves to experience and feel. So, I'm encouraging you to do just that!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
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4 Ways to Communicate Better in Your Relationship

Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, whether it is romantic or otherwise. The most powerful and successful Directors and Managers are those with solid communicative abilities. So, it makes a lot of sense that if strong communication can keep a Fortune 500 company running smoothly it should certainly be able to keep two people in a relationship running smoothly. Yet, it’s not always so easy. In today’s post, I want to share four ways to communicate better in your relationship that will help you get your point across without causing an argument, listen to what your partner is really trying to tell you and build a stronger relationship than ever before. I hope that as you read through these points you find ways that you might be able to work them into your own relationship and everyday life.

1. Know That Timing is Everything

When it comes to discussing anything, you need to know that timing is everything. Whether the conversation you’re hoping to have is good or bad, the right time and setting is paramount to the conversation’s success.

For example, if you want to tell your partner about how you don’t feel that you’re getting as much attention lately, you should both be at home with full bellies and should have the right amount of time set aside to discuss. Bringing up a subject that has the potential to leave one partner feeling hurt isn’t a good idea before dinner when you’ve both just gotten home from work and are probably hungry and more prone to irritability.

2. Try to Listen More Than You Speak

This one’s not always so easy to employ because, chances are, one of you is the more communicative one in the relationship and the other is more of the listener. But, taking the time to actively listen to your partner (even when you’re not having a serious discussion) will tell you so much about how they are thinking and feeling.

Truly listening and hearing your partner when they speak will help you give them what they need and, in turn, will result in them being more willing and able to give you what you need. Listening can be difficult, especially when you feel as though your opinion is the right opinion or that your partner is in the wrong, but it’s a method worth practicing.

3. Communicate the Good Stuff More Than the Bad Stuff

Do you remember the last time you had a discussion longer than five minute about something good? Or, do you only remember the last long discussion you had because it was about something that was bothering you or your partner and the talk rolled on and on? It’s important to take time to communicate the good things in your everyday life.

For example, thank your partner for making the bed or unloading the dishwasher. Take five or ten minutes to tell them how you really appreciate them and ask about what they’ve been working towards accomplishing at work. Allowing your relationship to have room for positive exchange is a healthy relationship necessity.

4. Never Go to Bed Angry

This is a piece of advice shared by nearly everyone’s grandparents at some point in life. But, it’s one of the truest pieces of advice around. It’s unhealthy to allow yourself to stew in anger, frustration and upset. Plus, going to bed angry can result in bad dreams and un-restful sleep, both of which only set you up to feel even crummier in the morning.

Try your best to work things out before hitting the hay. Use language like, “I feel” instead of “You are” or “You act”. If you’re both committed to overcoming the obstacle and communicating your way back to your healthy, happy selves then you’ll be able to achieve just that.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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5 Steps to Achieving Greater Self-Love

We all have bad days. It’s normal. How you deal with those pestering, bad feelings is up to you, though. For me, I’ve discovered that taking steps to feeling a greater sense of self-love has completely changed the way I see the world and how I see myself. I have fewer “bad” days and way more good ones. If you want to achieve a greater level of self-love, you completely can. All it takes is commitment, time and reflection. You already are amazing by the way. :) Now it’s time for you to continuously recognize that amazing-ness within yourself and really let it shine. You might be surprised how your life changes!

To get you started on the path to achieving greater self-love, I’m sharing 5 steps. To continue your journey, I’d recommend picking up a copy (or downloading an eBook!) of Gabby Bernstein’s Add More ~ing To Your Life. It’s a great, easy read that’s sure to shift your perceptions on self-appreciation and celebration.

Step One: Cut the Negativity

This one’s hard to do but probably the most impactful. You’ve got to stop criticizing yourself! Whether it’s while you’re getting dressed in the morning or washing your face at night, don’t let your negative thoughts drag you down. Notice a new wrinkle? Shrug it off. Don’t feel like a total ten in your skinny jeans? Slip into your favourite dress. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself focus on the negative – just move on.

Step Two: Forgive Yourself

We’re all human and mistakes happen. When they do, forgive yourself. Did you arrive somewhere late? Miss an exit on the highway? Forget to call your sister back? It’s OK – you’re human and worthy of forgiveness. It’s harder to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others at times, but with enough practice you’ll start to forgive and forget much quicker.

Step Three: Praise Yourself

When you accomplish something, beat your personal best or just feel great – praise yourself! It’s OK to show yourself a little bit of self-love. Whether it’s flashing yourself a smile in the mirror or writing a positive mantra on a sticky note and putting it in your purse for later – you’re worth it.

Step Four: Reward Yourself

By “reward”, I don’t always mean chocolate. But sometimes chocolate absolutely does the trick! Reward yourself, and your body, with proper nutrition and exercise. A health body will help you maintain a healthy mind and emotional state. Exercise boosts our “feel good” hormones and nutritious food helps us stay calm, boosts our energy and fills us up.

Step Five: Take Care With How You Surround Yourself

Be mindful of those you surround yourself with. It’s often been said that you become the average of the people you have in your life. Whether or not that’s true is up for debate, but it is true that the people around you can seriously drag you down – or boost you up.Choose to spend time with people who inspire, motivate and truly love you. Rethink your relationships that have the opposite effect.

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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My Experience as a Couple's Therapist

In my little beehive creating connection

I promised to share some details about being a Couple’s Therapist at the festival in Portugal so here goes!

But first, did you complete your coaching exercise from last week? Just checking. :)

It took me a bit to locate where I was to meet the organizer in this mini-city but once I finally did, we were both very excited to have the Skype talks now be in real life! Each day in the area called “Liminal Village” had a different theme and I was going to be a part of the day they had themed:

Love, Pleasure and the Feminine

(when she told me this, I think my heart did an actual leap of joy as these are some of my favorite topics)

When the day came, I was standing at the back of the room during one of the first lectures when all of a sudden I was introduced to all 1000 people at once as “The Couple’s Therapist from Canada”. I waved and welcomed people to come and sign up for a private session. We had no idea if anyone actually would but to my delight, I booked all my available spots within about an hour. Felt awesome! The couples were mainly from Portugal, France or Germany, with a few from Canada and the US. One actually works very near my home in Toronto! They were mainly in their 20’s and 30’s and so open and curious about receiving guidance.

The adobe structure they had me working in felt a bit like a clay beehive. It was such a perfect place to work and I would lay out a sarong for all 3 of us. The conversations mainly started with asking the men what they wanted more of in the relationship.

This often took them by surprise but once they nestled in, they would often share things for the very first time and I could sense their partner’s eyes widening at times. Then it was the woman’s chance to speak about what she wanted more of and from there, I would weave back and forth teaching each of them more about each other. Often doing a bit of translation such as, “she is saying she needs a hug from you in the mornings and what she is asking for is connection” or “he has become resentful about fixing your computer all the time and what he is asking for is appreciation”.

And of course, at the end of each session,, I would have them give each other a big hug and a smooch to seal their commitment to improving their relationship. They often left glowing which was wonderful to see. In every moment, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be, helping the couples that needed me. It was very healing for myself too and I thought of David often. I really feel like he was giving me strength and guidance through it all.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Identify where in your life you are blaming someone else for your unhappiness and allow yourself to see how much more power you would have if you took 100 percent responsibility. This doesn’t make the other person’s actions correct but what could open up if you really saw that you create your own happiness regardless of their actions? What actions can you take to reclaim your happiness?

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Couple’s Therapy at a Music Festival. Huh?

Did I ever think that I'd be asked to offer couple's therapy at a music festival? Probably not, but that doesn't mean I don't love the idea! One of my favorite things to do in life is listen to live music outdoors. There is something about the combination of being able to look up at the sky, breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the sounds that is so appealing. I first started attending music festivals back in the Lollapalooza days and was immediately hooked (remember when those festivals first started?! It was such a big deal.) We used to throw a bunch of stuff in a car, hope that we remembered key things like tents and set off on an adventure. It was always a good time from beginning to end.

About 6 months ago, I received an email from a Festival organizer in Portugal asking if I would be open to being a couple’s therapist at their upcoming outdoor Festival. A million things raced through my head:

Yes!

No, I’m not ready.

Yes, how fun!

No, there’s no way I should do this.

Yes, how could I turn this down?!

No, there’s no way I can guide couples at a festival in Portugal?!

I eventually had a call with the organizer and told her that I was very flattered she sought me out and I needed her to walk me through what the festival was all about and what was expected of me. She dove right in and it felt like she had designed the festival just for me (and 30,000 other people!) because it’s theme is about the feminine, truth, growth, expansion and clarity. It’s a mixture of workshops, music, dancing, swimming and all the best things that festivals have to offer.

I sat on the opportunity for a few more days and eventually went back to my initial gut reaction:

Yes!

Now as I prepare for my trip, I’m thinking a lot about what I am going to teach and the guidance I am going to offer the couples looking to take their relationship to the next level.

One distinction I will be sharing is around listening, and how despite our best intentions, we often hear our partner but we don’t ‘listen’ to our partner.When you ‘hear’ someone, you are looking to agree or disagree with what they are saying. This is the typical way we listen to most people throughout our day and it’s not because we don’t care, it’s just the way we are wired. When you take time to listen, it means you are focusing far less on whether you agree or disagree and much more on what the person is saying, how they are saying it and what silent context does or doesn’t exist. This takes practice, time and focus. Luckily, the festival organizers are providing me with a pseudo-office under a tree with a couch and everything. This will be a focused area where couples can listen, not hear.

The Festival is in August so I will definitely be sharing more on this adventure mixing my passions of music festivals and helping build connection, so stay tuned!

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Living & Loving Authentically

When I committed to living a life of authenticity, I had this "there's no turning back" feeling. A part of me knew I was going to have to get a magnifying glass out and look at every aspect of my life to uncover what parts were built on heart-centered desire and what parts just existed in hopes for something better. What would my life look like if I were only doing things that authentically brought me joy?

One fantasy came to mind, well I would probably live in a tropical environment with an ocean front view, and work with an amazing virtual assistant who creates my day so there is an even balance between coaching my clients and self-care.

Naaaah, really?

And then I caught myself with what I know we can all relate to, a pile of reasons why that isn't possible. This is generally the standard process: Step 1: dream up your ultimate lifestyle, Step 2: list out all the reasons it's not possible.

So, I decided to make a choice and start phasing out Step 2. I started asking myself the big questions such as, "When I'm in my 90's, and I'm reflecting on my life, am I going to have a sense that I really lived life and followed my heart or am I going to have regrets?" For myself, I think it would be really hard to be at that age and wish I had been more authentic with my choices. This thought inspires me to tune in more to the voice of my heart.

Often when I am working with clients, I quickly find out there is fear in asking for what they want in a future partner because they don’t want to appear too picky or unrealistic. “Really Christine, you want me to think of what I want in a partner without any editing?!” Yes, yes I do. It’s my belief that if you don’t get honest with yourself and become accountable only to yourseIf right from the beginning, then you are essentially staying true to Step 2.

Here's the irony, when you are out interacting with others in the world and you meet someone who is being authentic and really following their dreams, isn't that completely and totally attractive?! And yet, we hold back for ourselves.

Have a look around and in the coming months, you will see more and more additions. As you know, my life has changed dramatically and it is paramount for my work to be completely aligned with who I am. I look forward to this journey with you.

I encourage you to contemplate the areas in your life where you are not honoring your truth. Don't make yourself right or wrong but simply become aware.

Are you listening to your heart above all other voices? What area of your life would you like to be more authentic? I would love to hear from you - please add in your comments below. :) 

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Do You Have a Fill-In Boyfriend? How to Know & What to Do

Often times when I sit down with a new client, we review how and with whom they are spending their time. Sometimes it is to highlight that they are not getting themselves out there at all and other times it is to highlight that perhaps the people they are spending time with are hindering their search. I am all about having healthy relationships in all areas of your life but when a client is specifically trying to meet their future partner, we often need to rearrange a few things. What I often see is that women have a fill-in boyfriend in their life, meaning a purely platonic guy-friend that they hang out with, laugh with, do activities with, confide in but are not involved wit I’ve come to learn that this type of closeness can sometimes get in the way of meeting a boyfriend because you are already getting all your needs met by this guy-friend, except for physical intimacy. You aren’t as motivated to meet a boyfriend because it’s just easier to complain to the guy-friend that you can’t meet anyone. It is just easier to go for a drink with him after work than it is to follow-up on that blind-date your co-worker wanted to set you up on.

The other “fill-in” boyfriend I see can come in the form of family commitments. I had a client who had dinner with his parents every single Friday night and for good reason; he enjoys their company. However, guess what the topic of conversation was every Friday – “so, have you met a special lady yet?”. I think it’s great to have a good relationship with your family but I often see when you have too many family commitments, it takes valuable time away from your search and often makes you feel worse about yourself. I recommend having a serious talk with your family about the IRONY around the fact they always ask when you are going to meet someone but yet you are spending all your time with them. Your family will be understanding if it’s presented in a way that you care about them a lot, still wish to spend time with them, BUT your dating life needs to be priority right now.

Take a look to see if you have any “fill-in’s” in your life right now.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Seriously, Should I Set Up An Online Dating Account?

Many people have been asking me lately, “so does online dating actually work?!”. Everyone is balancing all the ‘horror’ stories with the ‘success’ stories they hear and wondering which one to listen to. So after being in the Dating & Relationship industry for over 12 years, I’m going to share what I have come to know as fact: Success with online dating all comes down to strategy.

Strategy includes, which site you choose, how you do your searches, how you communicate with potential matches, how quickly you move on and most importantly how little of it you really take personally. I was thinking that the easiest way to explain the difference between people who successfully find matches online and those who have a terrible experience is to create a few archetypes – one is successful at online dating and one isn’t (no real names used,  )

Janine:

She has written an okay profile but since she’s feeling pretty unsettled, she talks a lot about what she won’t stand for and what she doesn’t want. Most of her photos are party shots. She wants a serious relationship but in her profile she talks about just wanting to see what’s out there, maybe make some new friends. She is online almost everyday, sometimes for up to 1-2 hours. She chats with guys who instant message her hoping that they might be looking for something serious. Her inbox is super full, mainly with men she’s not interested in. She sends messages to guys she thinks are cute and then when they don’t write back she gets really down on herself and the whole online dating experience.

Stephanie:

Her profile is really well written – it’s short, fun and inviting. She is online for 20 minutes a day maximum and when she misses a day, she goes online for 40 minutes. She is on two sites she has specifically chosen based on where she is at in life and what she is looking for. Her pictures are great – they show a few different looks and she’s smiling in all of them. She never responds to instant messaging and when she sees someone she is attracted to, she sends a very short note expressing interest or a ‘wink’. She only goes on a quick coffee date with guys she has spoken to by phone. She deletes men she is not interested in so she feels positive and clear every time she logs into her account. The time between creating a great profile and finding a great match is between 1-3 months.

So, are you a Janine or Stephanie? Or are you somewhere in between?

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Getting Back On The Dating Scene!

Question:About a month ago, I decided I was finally ready to get back into the dating scene. The problem is that I never see any guys I am attracted to! At work they don’t really take care of themselves and then when I go out with friends, the guys are never ones I’m interested in. I feel like I’m never going to find a guy that I’m attracted to.

DL

Answer: Dear DL,

Good for you for getting back into the dating scene. First, toss this fear you have about there not being normal, attractive guys out there. It’s completely false. In fact, the opposite is true. There are plenty of men who fit that description. Now before your roll your eyes, I want you to consider how many times a day you actually look at people – no really, actually sit and view people. When you go outside on a break from work, are you playing with your phone or are you people watching? When you are on the subway, do you look around or do you immediately pull out something to read? At the gym, do you pay attention to your surroundings? I ask you all of these questions because it sounds like what you need is a a daily reminder that there ARE men around you all the time that are attractive. Yes, they may not always be Beckham-attractive or whatever your fantasy guy is, but attractive nonetheless in their own way. My challenge to you is to simply become more aware of men as you are out and about. Do not go to bed at night until you have seen at the very least one man you have found attractive that day. Challenge yourself, have fun with it. At this point, you don’t have to do anything about it like approach him, just acknowledge to yourself you found him attractive.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Mid 30s and Tired of Being Single

Question:I’m a guy in my early 30s never married and have a problem dating anyone long term. Here’s the problem, I date people that I am somewhat attracted to rather than someone I am really attracted to. I do this because I have a hard time meeting people I am really attracted to that have the personality, drive or similar family values as myself. But after I start dating these girls, I think about wanting to date someone else who I am more attracted to. I never tell the girls I am dating because I don’t want to hurt their feelings and really they are beautiful people, but how do I get over this? Any suggestions?

Answer: It sounds like you are questioning whether beauty on the outside can be matched by beauty on the inside because it hasn’t been proven to you yet. This is a fair question. It does not mean that in the meantime you need to date women you feel somewhat attracted to though. You are toying with their hopes and plans for the future while you try to convince yourself you are attracted to them because they are good people and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. I encourage you to find a balance half-way between “somewhat” and “really” attracted to. You already know the feelings that you have when dating someone you are somewhat attracted to but dating someone you are really attracted to can also present problems. You contort yourself to impress them rather than being your true self. You essentially set yourself up for a relationship based on an alternate version of you and it’s filled with insecurity. Your balance will be in dating a woman who makes you feel good about yourself and inspires you. You think she looks hot in yoga gear but it’s her personality and values that really makes you like her. Now, go and find her!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Too Young, Too Old: How to Know the Right Age for You

Question:I’m in my late 30s and look like I am in my early 20s and have a hard time dating women my own age. I find there are two main reasons why they won’t date me. Either they think I am too young and don’t want a relationship (marriage, kids, etc.. ) or are afraid that in 20 years I will look way younger than them.)… What should I do? How do you know the right age for you?

Answer: The woman you are best matched with won’t have a problem with either. Dating is not about convincing someone you are right for them. She just simply won’t care about how old you look now or how young you’ll look in the future. In fact she will love that you are youthful! My suggestion is to stop seeing this as a hurdle in your dating life that you need to overcome. The only thing I would consider is altering your daily wardrobe. I recommend hiring a stylist to go through your closet to bring in more pieces that are representative of a man in his late 30’s. This will help in increasing your confidence in approaching women.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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What should I do when she is moody?

What should I do when she is moody? Men and women both get “moody”. In fact there are studies that show men have “their time of the month too” which I’ll get into in a future Blog. Men have asked me recently how to effectively handle a woman’s bad mood. My advice is aimed at helping you understand and effectively be there for women who are occasionally moody.

A guy needs to remember not to unintentionally reward her for being in a bad mood. If you tip-toe around her, cow-tow to her every demand and are super, extra, extra nice, you risk getting caught in the cross-fire and BECOMING the problem. I’m not encouraging you to avoid being kind and understanding, just don’t go over the top. Authors, Louis & Copeland suggest these excellent keys for handling a woman’s bad mood:

1) Acknowledge it: “Had a bad day?”, “Not feeling so good today?”, “Having a rough time?” 2) Show a little compassion for her mood. The key here is to never try to solver her problem. Just listen to her and show a little compassion. You might say: “Sounds rough. I know how bad a bad mood can be.” “Wow, I’m sorry you are having a hard time” 3) Stay upbeat. This is critical. You must go on with your life, little affected by her bad mood. You shouldn’t do this in a sarcastic or overly enthusiastic manner: just make it clear her mood is not going to change yours. 4) Step aside as soon as possible. If she’s really down, she’ll either want to sort it out with your help or sort it out alone. If she wants your help, DON’T immediately offer solutions, just ask her clarifying questions so she can get clear on what she’s upset about. Examples are: "Sounds pretty intense. Tell me more if you want to." or "Is there anything that I can say or do that would help?"

By following these steps to the letter, you will greatly minimize any frustration felt by either of you.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Expert Online Dating Photo Tips

Question:I am so new to this whole online dating thing. I’ve got my profile somewhat written but I don’t seem to have any good pictures of myself. Most of them are old or with friends/family. Do you have online dating photo tips on what to do without spending a fortune on a photographer?

Answer:

If you are single and looking, online dating needs to be part of your repertoire. In North America alone, there are more than 50 million singles registered with online dating sites, making tech-romance an integral part of today’s culture.

When working with date coaching clients, the first thing I assess on their profile is their photo.

They must receive an ‘A’ Grade or we can’t move forward. Yup, it’s THAT important.

Here are my recommendations on ensuring an ‘A’ Grade on your photo:

1. Go through all of your photos that have been taken within the last year. 2. Create a folder in your documents entitled, “ME FAVORITES”. 3. Put any photo of yourself in there that you like. Make sure they are just photos of you and no one else. There are some exceptions if you can cleanly cut out a friend who is standing next to you but you don’t want a picture of you with a random body-less arm around your shoulders. 4. If you don’t currently have photos of yourself, put a call out to friends or family members who might have photos of you on their camera. 5. If you have a Facebook profile, double check it to see if there are any good photos that might have been tagged of you. 6. Get every last picture you find organized into your “ME FAVORITES” folder.

Still no photos of yourself that you like?

Book a time with a friend, family member or co-worker. Maybe there is someone in your network who has always been good at taking photos. If you still can’t think of anyone, go onto Craigslist and peruse the ads for photographers looking to build portfolios. You may even get a free session. With this said though: do-not-sign-up-for-a-cheesy-portrait-session.

For the fun photo session, here are the tips:

1. Get dressed up in your favorite outfits and experiment with a few different looks. Try sassy, serious, fun, and approachable. Don’t be over the top with your poses. A great smile is most attractive. 2. Your aim is to get two good pictures, one a close up of your face and one a full body shot. It may take 60 photos before you find one you like, but make sure the one you select is a fair representation of who you really are. 3. Avoid wearing black. Wear red or have it in the background. This will really help your photo stand out. 4. Try various settings and lighting until you think you’ve really got it. 5. A good way to get a full body shot is to have your friend stand on a stool slightly above you so that you can look up toward the camera. Don’t look down; this isn’t flattering for anyone. 6. If you need to add a 3rd photo, make it an action shot of you hiking or biking or engaging in some activity outside of posing. 7. Please don’t use a webcam. 8. Don’t crop or scribble people out of your photos 9. Ladies, try not to pose with a baby in an effort to show how great of a mother you’d be (or are). That goes for you too guys, no posing with babies. 10. One last thing: Ladies, if you pose “pouty” or sexy, don’t get mad when men contact you just for sex. Men are only responding to your photo so be accountable for that.

Overall, you want your photo to be warm and inviting and show the authentic you.

Don’t try to look like someone you’re not or don’t only post photos of you looking your absolute best.

And remember, your ultimate goal is to transfer you from online to offline dating so choose photos that are attractive but realistic to who you are on a daily basis.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Do You Have The Right Dating “Vibe”?

I’ve been coaching single women for over 12 years and there are two traits that tend to come up quite often. Either a woman is having trouble dating because she comes across as Desperate or she comes across as Detached. The right dating "vibe" is imperative to attracting the kind of guy that you're looking for. First, let’s talk about coming across as Desperate. It’s easy to think of someone you know that gives off that vibe but what about yourself? Think back on your dating history and ask yourself if there are times you may have come across as an el desperado? (Don’t make yourself feel bad though – just observe) Did you panic if a guy didn’t call you back? Did you call the phone company to see if there was something wrong with your phone? Did you take huge offense if the guy you’re dating heads to the baseball game with his buddies and doesn’t take you?

When men speak to me about women who they have met who come across as desperate, they have said things like:

“Well I asked for her phone number and then she was asking me all these questions about when I was going to call and if I needed a back up number and that if she doesn’t pick up to leave a message” You may be familiar with that scene from the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You”

Guys pick up on this desperate vibe and it’s a huge turn-off so don’t underestimate it. It’s definitely an area that you cannot outsmart men in – they smell the desperado vibe from across the room. (Just like women pick up on it with men)

Having a Detached vibe is something entirely different.

Many women I have coached came to me with a bit of a flippant attitude about dating and men. They complained that no men ever approached them. I sensed right away that they didn’t exhibit any intrigue. It wasn’t that these women were not totally interesting with really cool lives, but they had developed this huge wall around them that pushed men away. They thought they were engaged in meeting men but they weren’t. I would sometimes see this at my speed-dating events years ago where women would make the effort to sign up for an event, get dressed up and then once they arrived they gave off a vibe that they could care less if they met anyone.

I’m here to say that it is not a sign of weakness to show in a warm and somewhat subtle way that you are open to meeting someone to date. It’s okay! Being detached will only create stress and cause you to miss so many opportunities to meet men that you are presented with.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Are All Women Gold-diggers?

Question:I hear women talking a lot about how they want to marry a guy who is super rich. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a date with a woman and she’s directly, or indirectly, asking questions about my financial status. It’s a little disheartening when I feel like they are just looking at my wallet. Is this true for ALL women? Are all women gold-diggers?

Answer: Most women are looking for a sense of security but let me first clarify that this doesn’t necessarily always refer to a money thing. There are silly rumors out there that all women are wallet-shoppers and this has made men feel insecure or frustrated about measuring up. I believe you have just happened to date a lot of women who define security through bank statements.  There are just as many women who define security in other ways.

We want to feel like you are our rock and that you have your life somewhat in balance. It traces back to our desire to feel safe with you. As women, emotional and passionate beings, we tend to seek out stability, emotional stability, to balance out in our often roller-coaster like lives.

Security can be expressed by you in having a sense of what your goals are and where your passions lie. Take time to think about this so you can easily articulate when opportunities arise on dates. A man that doesn’t have a general idea of where his passions lie or where his goals lie is something we question and hence, we don’t feel secure with you.

Security can be expressed through initiative too. A guy who doesn’t take initiative is not attractive to us. Yes, I know there may be a ton of reasons why you don’t take initiative and we can get into that another time but initiative is huge.

Security also comes with being responsible when things don’t go right. If you screw up, who cares? Accept blame, fix the problem and move on. Be responsible for your mistakes and not only will you feel like more of a man but women will notice. A man who is consistently placing blame on others is another way we don’t feel secure with you.

So here is a summary of all the ways women look for security within a budding or established relationship. I believe that once you focus on providing women with an authentic sense of security around you, you will stop attracting those who are solely looking at your wallet’s security.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Dear Miss Independent

Question:I really like my independent life but I would also like to be in a relationship. I’m having a hard time communicating this on dates and I think it’s the reason some guys don’t call me back after the 1st date. I don’t want men to get intimidated by me but I don’t want to hide how great I am. Help!

Miss Independent

Answer: Dear Miss Independent,

As a single lady, independence is something you have gotten used to right? Some days you love your independence and other days you loathe it, I know. As a single woman you get very used to doing things on your own like exercise, traveling or fixing stuff around the house. You become more and more self-sufficient despite your desire to have a man in your life.

It can sometimes be difficult because as you are spending time alone, you spend a significant amount of time thinking about wanting a boyfriend. You may even do up a vision board about him, dream about him and wonder endlessly where he is.

And then he appears…… and you have a date with him. Yay! You’re excited and meet up with him for drinks. Here enters the problem. You spend the entire date going on and on about how independent you are and how you don’t really NEED anyone! You wonder why he never calls again.

This is one of the topics I cover in my workshops. Men need to feel needed! It’s simple. Where does he fit in your life if you come off as fiercely independent?

Okay, a similar mistake is the women that have intensely busy schedules but have a strong desire to meet a guy. You know these women and you might even be one. They love to go on and on and on about how busy their lives are whenever they’re given a chance. They start every voice mail or every email with “oh my gosh, I’ve been so busy” or “things are crazy, when are we meeting again?”, or something similar – you know what I mean.

When you are out on a date with a guy, of course he wants to hear about the things that are going on in your life but he doesn’t want to be consistently reminded that he’s going to be somewhere down the line of priorities. Don’t mistake this for a man’s need to have a bit of challenge. He wants to be involved in your life, not a convenient add-on. When a guy asks you out on a date, don’t list off all the times you are not available. Take a moment to pause and focus on the times you are available and name a few.

Be okay with showing your openness to sharing your life. It’s what you ultimately want, right?

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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