Body Language Attraction 101

Whether you consider yourself proficient at reading body language or someone who consistently doesn’t pick up hints, you will learn something new from these tips. When it comes to flirting and body language, author Rachel DeAlto does a great job in summing it up in her book, “Flirt Fearlessly”.  I recommend giving it a read to learn signs of attraction. She opens by saying, “Being able to read another’s nonverbal cues can save you a lot of time, and even prevent rejection. This interpretation can help you determine whether or not a touch is appropriate, if further conversations are worthwhile, or whether you should ask for a phone number or a date. There are certain things that men and women do differently in terms of body language, however, for the most part, the cues are quite similar.”

When you are assessing body language, don’t make any decisions based on just one. Look for clusters of signs.

Here are some gender-neutral signals of interest that Rachel describes in her book:

Squared off shoulders – if they are positioned so that it seems as if you are opening your hearts to each other, it is a sign that you are receptive and interested in hearing what they have to say. It says loud and clear, “I am listening, and I want to connect with you” – without your having to utter a syllable.

• Leaning forward
• Open and animated gestures
• Lip Licking
• Flared nostrils
• Open arms
• Mirroring – if they are in sync with your movements, they are interested
• Pointy feet – if they are facing you, they are interested
• Raised eyebrows – subtle but noticeable
• Eye contact/Smiling
• Dilated pupils
• Preening
• Laughter
• Light touches
• Head tilt – the classic come hither move

Here are some signs women give that Rachel describes in her book:

• Hair twirling It can be a subconscious sign of nervousness, but it can also be a come-hither signal.
• Crossed legs If she crosses her legs and her top leg points in your direction, she is interested. If the top leg points away, she might not be (or maybe she just had to switch legs to avoid a cramp…you’ll have to investigate a little further to find out).
• Wandering fingers If a woman has a drink and she’s attracted to you, she may start to rub the bottom of the glass with her fingertips, or stroke the stem of the wine glass.
• Touchy feely Especially from a woman, a touch can mean a lot. In a flirting situation, it is one of the most accurate signals that she’s interested.
• Shoe dance Dangling her shoe off from her toes is a way of showing that she’s comfortable in the situation.

Here are some signs men give that Rachel describes in her book:

• Guidance As you are walking together, he “guides” you by touching the small of your back or your elbow. It’s a mixture of “Back off, I’ve got her” to other guys, “I’m not going to lose sight of this one” to himself, and “I am going to protect you” to the girl
• Hands on hips He is trying to accentuate his physical size and confidence (or build up his confidence).
• Puffed up If he is standing with his muscles contracted and at full attention he is trying to impress you with his stature
• Legs spread Whether you want it or not, he is sitting across from you giving you a crotch display to indicate what he has got to offer.
• Tie stroking/hair smoothing/sock adjusting Guys preen too –  they are trying to look good for you because they are interested.
• Eyebrow flash If a guy is interested he will lift his eyebrows and crinkle his forehead. Just for a quick instant, though.
• Spread legs while standing If a guy is into you, he will make a stand. Literally. If he squares off to you while standing with his legs shoulder-width apart, he is looking to mate.

As Rachel reminds us, it’s not about judging the situation based on one single sign but rather a cluster of signs. I find watching body language to be fascinating so have fun the next time you are on a date or simply observing people in public.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Are All Women Gold-diggers?

Question:I hear women talking a lot about how they want to marry a guy who is super rich. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a date with a woman and she’s directly, or indirectly, asking questions about my financial status. It’s a little disheartening when I feel like they are just looking at my wallet. Is this true for ALL women? Are all women gold-diggers?

Answer: Most women are looking for a sense of security but let me first clarify that this doesn’t necessarily always refer to a money thing. There are silly rumors out there that all women are wallet-shoppers and this has made men feel insecure or frustrated about measuring up. I believe you have just happened to date a lot of women who define security through bank statements.  There are just as many women who define security in other ways.

We want to feel like you are our rock and that you have your life somewhat in balance. It traces back to our desire to feel safe with you. As women, emotional and passionate beings, we tend to seek out stability, emotional stability, to balance out in our often roller-coaster like lives.

Security can be expressed by you in having a sense of what your goals are and where your passions lie. Take time to think about this so you can easily articulate when opportunities arise on dates. A man that doesn’t have a general idea of where his passions lie or where his goals lie is something we question and hence, we don’t feel secure with you.

Security can be expressed through initiative too. A guy who doesn’t take initiative is not attractive to us. Yes, I know there may be a ton of reasons why you don’t take initiative and we can get into that another time but initiative is huge.

Security also comes with being responsible when things don’t go right. If you screw up, who cares? Accept blame, fix the problem and move on. Be responsible for your mistakes and not only will you feel like more of a man but women will notice. A man who is consistently placing blame on others is another way we don’t feel secure with you.

So here is a summary of all the ways women look for security within a budding or established relationship. I believe that once you focus on providing women with an authentic sense of security around you, you will stop attracting those who are solely looking at your wallet’s security.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Ask the Expert: Why Are Men Doing Things To Hurt My Feelings?

Question:Why does it always seem like men are doing things to hurt my feelings?

Answer: There is this assumption out there that men KNOW the right thing to do but are purposely being difficult or purposely doing things to make us mad or upset. Ladies, this isn’t true. Men wake up in the morning ‘hoping’ they won’t upset you. I want you to try this perspective on:Men always have a reason behind their behaviors.

Pause on that thought.

We can spend our days thinking that men around us are going out of their way to make our lives more difficult. It just simply isn’t true. This mentality is everywhere and really, we need to consider they might have a reason for everything they do. As I say, that is the cool thing about men, they always have a REASON behind their behavior but often don’t reveal it. Yes, this causes frustration for women. I heard a story once of 2 women and 1 man who were trying to book a business coffee meeting off-site. The man suggested they meet at a coffee shop near his house and automatically the 2 women were exchanging emails about how selfish that was and how come he couldn’t suggest a location a little more central for everyone. Then one of the ladies decided to just ask: “WHY, did you choose that particular coffee shop?” The man replied, “My wife has a heart condition and this coffee shop is the only place in the city that serves true decaf coffee. Since she is attending the coffee meeting with us, I wanted her to be able to enjoy a coffee too”

By simply asking a WHY question, a whole new perspective opened up.

So anytime you are feeling frustrated, I encourage you to move away from assumptions and move toward asking WHY.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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