5 New Year's Resolution Ideas for Married Couples

The New Year is here and so are 365 more days and chances to live a happier, more fulfilling and more authentic life. For married couples, this sort of happiness often feels as though it depends on more than a single partner – it’s a joint effort to actively take steps towards improvement and happiness. In this post I’m sharing five New Year’s resolution ideas for married couples, so that you might be inspired to work together towards achieving something beautiful in 2015.

Couples Resolution 1: Do More Small Nice Things, Not Just on Special Days

This particular resolution is a highly effective one if you both vow to put in the work. You know how great you feel when you come home to the laundry put away or dinner ready on the table? Those small everyday acts of kindness have a much larger impact on your happiness and the health of your relationship.

This year, resolve to do more small nice things for one another – not just on birthdays, anniversaries or holidays! Putting away the dishes, doing the laundry, making the bed, cooking a meal or even pouring a glass of wine and putting on a movie are all small acts that will make you both feel more loved and happier.

Couples Resolution 2: Make More Physical Contact

Human touch is a transformative act, and I’m not just talking about sex. Holding your partner’s hand, giving them a neck massage after a long day at work, stroking their hair or even sitting with your hand on their leg are all physical acts of touch that aren’t necessarily sexual. Resolving to make more physical contact in 2015 will allow you to feel closer, communicate more regularly and feel a greater connection between the two of you. And yes, it will probably wind up encouraging you to spend more time in the bedroom…that brings us to the next resolution for couples!

Couples Resolution 3: Make Intimacy a Priority

A lack of physical intimacy in a romantic relationship can be incredibly harmful. Sex is a key component of a healthy adult marriage, and yet it often takes the back burner to a number of other things. This year, resolve to stop allowing long hours, fatigue or simply feeling “blah” to kibosh any possibility of physical intimacy. Many couples mind it helpful to schedule date nights and plan ahead, so don’t hesitate to do the same if busy schedules are often a problem.

Spending more time in the bedroom with your partner can lead to a stronger bond, increased individual confidence, heightened communication and a long-lasting bond between the two of you. Allowing yourself to sit on the couch and feel stressed after a long day at work offers none of the above benefits!

Couples Resolution 4: Argue More Effectively

Let’s be honest, all couples have arguments from time to time. It’s a natural part of partnership and can actually lead to a stronger relationship. However, how you argue makes all the difference and doing it the wrong way can have serious negative impacts on both you and your partner. This year, make arguing more effectively a priority – or communicating more effectively overall – and watch your relationship blossom.

When communicating, avoid playing the blame game. Use terms like, “I feel” and “When you X, I feel Y” instead of accusatory language – something I wrote about recently and encourage you to read more on. Practicing active listening and nipping problems in the bud instead of allowing them to fester will have you remembering 2015 as a very good year.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Canmore and My Healing Places

The morning view I've been craving for months.

Hi Friends,

How were your holidays? I feel like I’m in slow motion, re-adjusting back into my routine. I discovered I am able to live entire days and weeks solely focused on either what I just ate or what I’m going to eat at the next meal. :)

I headed home to Calgary for the holidays this year as I wanted to welcome Christmas back into my life again. Last year was really hard with David being gone and I remember wishing I could skip the whole season altogether. I took things really easy this year and just focused on being with family and out in nature. Shortly after I booked my flight, I booked a condo in Canmore for 4 nights. This would ensure plenty of time in the gorgeous Canadian Rockies which I find so healing. Someone once said to me that when they are in the mountains, they feel so protected, almost like they are getting a hug. I like that.

Thinking back on my trip, there were definitely some highlights:

On New Year’s Eve, my eldest sister and I were determined to get into the outdoor hot tub at the condo we rented. So we donned our toques, grabbed our plastic cups and made our way to the tub surrounded by ice. My parents surprised us by joining us for a bit too! I love, love, love being in a hot tub outdoors looking up at the starry sky. It’s something a good friend of mine and I used to do all the time when we’d go skiing in Fernie.

Going hiking with my nephews up around Grassi Lakes. They are such a reminder that the world is a playground and you can make a game out of anything in any situation.

For NYE dinner, I made a reservation at one of my new favorite restaurants, Tapas in Canmore. Yum, Yum, I discovered this place with some good friends this past summer. It is sooo delicious. It’s so popular that when I made the NYE reservation back in October, I got one of the last spots! We ordered whatever we wanted and brought in the new year with well-satiated bellies.

Getting coffee from Beamers in Canmore. I don’t know what it is about their coffee but it always tastes so good. I make a beeline for their brews anytime I’m in town.

Back in Calgary, I tried to get a healthy start on the new year by going to my friend’s yoga studio called The Yoga Shala. She teaches an early morning self-practice called Mysore and I’ve been meaning to try it for years.  It was such a good decision and I was totally surprised by how good I felt afterwards. I say surprising because it was still so early in the morning once the class was over! We went for breakfast afterwards and it was so good to spend time with such good friends.

Do you have places in the world you like to go that you find ‘healing’? I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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4 Ways to Communicate Better in Your Relationship

Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, whether it is romantic or otherwise. The most powerful and successful Directors and Managers are those with solid communicative abilities. So, it makes a lot of sense that if strong communication can keep a Fortune 500 company running smoothly it should certainly be able to keep two people in a relationship running smoothly. Yet, it’s not always so easy. In today’s post, I want to share four ways to communicate better in your relationship that will help you get your point across without causing an argument, listen to what your partner is really trying to tell you and build a stronger relationship than ever before. I hope that as you read through these points you find ways that you might be able to work them into your own relationship and everyday life.

1. Know That Timing is Everything

When it comes to discussing anything, you need to know that timing is everything. Whether the conversation you’re hoping to have is good or bad, the right time and setting is paramount to the conversation’s success.

For example, if you want to tell your partner about how you don’t feel that you’re getting as much attention lately, you should both be at home with full bellies and should have the right amount of time set aside to discuss. Bringing up a subject that has the potential to leave one partner feeling hurt isn’t a good idea before dinner when you’ve both just gotten home from work and are probably hungry and more prone to irritability.

2. Try to Listen More Than You Speak

This one’s not always so easy to employ because, chances are, one of you is the more communicative one in the relationship and the other is more of the listener. But, taking the time to actively listen to your partner (even when you’re not having a serious discussion) will tell you so much about how they are thinking and feeling.

Truly listening and hearing your partner when they speak will help you give them what they need and, in turn, will result in them being more willing and able to give you what you need. Listening can be difficult, especially when you feel as though your opinion is the right opinion or that your partner is in the wrong, but it’s a method worth practicing.

3. Communicate the Good Stuff More Than the Bad Stuff

Do you remember the last time you had a discussion longer than five minute about something good? Or, do you only remember the last long discussion you had because it was about something that was bothering you or your partner and the talk rolled on and on? It’s important to take time to communicate the good things in your everyday life.

For example, thank your partner for making the bed or unloading the dishwasher. Take five or ten minutes to tell them how you really appreciate them and ask about what they’ve been working towards accomplishing at work. Allowing your relationship to have room for positive exchange is a healthy relationship necessity.

4. Never Go to Bed Angry

This is a piece of advice shared by nearly everyone’s grandparents at some point in life. But, it’s one of the truest pieces of advice around. It’s unhealthy to allow yourself to stew in anger, frustration and upset. Plus, going to bed angry can result in bad dreams and un-restful sleep, both of which only set you up to feel even crummier in the morning.

Try your best to work things out before hitting the hay. Use language like, “I feel” instead of “You are” or “You act”. If you’re both committed to overcoming the obstacle and communicating your way back to your healthy, happy selves then you’ll be able to achieve just that.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Do “Feel Good Foods” Really Work? (4 Examples)

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Do you ever notice how you don’t feel so hot after digging into a bag of potato chips or guzzling down your favourite soft drink? On the flip-side, do you ever notice a boost in energy after eating a fruity breakfast or munching on a kale salad? Whether your entirely conscious of how your food is affecting you or not, it truly is. Here are four examples of “feel good foods” to help boost your mood, improve your body and clear your mind .

Blueberries

Believe it or not, delicious little blueberries pack a powerful punch. Blueberries can help boost the immune system, their anti-oxidants help flush toxins from your body and they’re loaded with nutritional value including Vitamin K, Manganese, Vitamin C and Fiber.

Nuts and Seeds

Almonds, sesame seeds, peanuts and hazelnuts all have a pretty interesting quality. They contain tryptophan, an amino acid that helps your body produce melatonin. Since we need melatonin to regulate sleep, eating a handful of nuts or seeds an hour or so before bed can help you get your snooze on so you wake up wide-eyed and ready for anything the next morning.

Garlic

Have your mouthwash ready for this one! Garlic is sort of a cure-all when it comes to feel good foods. It has anti-bacterial, anti-fungal and anti-viral qualities and used to be eaten regularly to help fight away cold viruses. It has a key ingredient called allicin, which has been associated with cancer-fighting action. It’s also been said to help lower high blood pressure.

Lettuce & Leafy Greens

You don’t have to be crazy for kale to reap the benefits of lettuce and leafy greens, though kale is packed with protein, fiber, vitamins A, C and K and lots of other healthy stuff. Other lettuce varieties, like endive, help to improve liver function and detoxify the body. Dark leafy greens contain iron, too, which is helpful for many women suffering from iron deficiencies.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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What have you said “Never Again” to?

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So I joined the gym this week. This was something I was avoiding…out of principal. You see, the last time I was a member of a gym, they went out of business and took over $400 of my money with them. I said to myself, “never again, there’s no way I’m ever giving money to a gym again. All of them are notorious for ripping you off”. So for the last year, I wouldn’t commit to anything more than a 10-card pass for CrossFit or, in the case of the yoga studio I go to, a one year membership where I knew the end date and it was clearly stated in the contract.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was going for an appointment to sign up for a gym and my last words to her were, “pay cash, don’t give them any payment information!”. She laughed, probably not knowing how committed I was to my principal.

Then the day came when she and I decided to be fitness accountability partners. Uh oh, how was I going to do this? How was I going to actually avoid the gym and still be her partner? My first thoughts were,” I would just keep buying my 10-passes and exercise outside. But winter is on it’s way and as much as I used to love winter running, it’s a different climate here in the east then when I lived in Alberta.  Plus, was I really going to be her partner and then just exercise by myself?”

So I picked up the phone…

“It’s a wonderful day at Good Life, how can I help you?”

(oh gawd, really, I can’t turn back now)

Me: I was wondering if you have any appointments for tonight. I’d like to…..sign up for a membership.

Her: (super friendly) Sure, how about 7:30pm?

(maybe part of me was hoping they wouldn’t have a time slot and I could have more time to think about it)

Me: (hesitating) Yes, thanks, I’ll see you then.

I got off the phone and the funny thing is, I thought “well, when I sit down with the membership guy, I’ll strike a deal, maybe even play hard ball. We’ll find a way for me to re-coup the funds I lost from the last gym”

When I arrived, Shane greeted me, told me his own fitness story and took me on a tour. He had clearly done this over 1000 times and I wondered if he could walk the tour in his sleep. My brain started to tell me I shouldn’t sign up because he was too “salesy”. But….really Christine? What if he just likes his job and it shows. Stop looking for excuses! J

So when we sat down and he had me start filling out the membership form, my little “never again! Never again!” voice came up and I outright asked him “so what can we do about the price of membership. Are there different prices?” Shane has also likely been asked this 1000 times so he respectfully said, “the price is the same for everyone but I can give you your first month free”.

Sigh…okay. I got to the part of the form where they needed banking information. Big, huge gulp and I wrote out my numbers.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah, went my brain.

I looked at my friend who had come with me and I knew that the fact we were now going to be able to go the gym regularly outweighed my “never again’s”. And at the end of the day, my investment in my health was a good one... even though I may only admit it here. :)

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Think of the things in your life that you’ve said “NEVER AGAIN” to but at the end of the day, it really only ends up hurting you.

Share what you discover in the comments below!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How to Stay Calm and In Control in Any Situation

Everyone handles stress differently. It can be hard to learn how to stay calm. Some people can breeze through a last minute deadline without breaking a sweat. Others get anxious at the mere thought of having to drive to the airport for specific time. No matter what your reaction, understand that it’s entirely natural. Also understand that there are universal coping mechanisms that you can employ to help you stay calm and in control, because losing your cool is never fun. To help you stay calm, cool and collected I’m sharing my top five tips to keeping calm. So, keep calm and read on!

1. Remember to Breathe

When you receive a passive aggressive text message, vague email asking you to keep your manager in the board room, last minute notice that your in-laws are coming to town tonight or when you realize you hit “snooze” a few too many times and are bound to be late – take a second to breathe.

In fact, take sixty seconds to breathe.

Concentrating on your breathe and getting your heart rate back to normal will help you conquer whatever the situation may be with a cooler head and clearer mind. There’s nothing worse than a knee-jerk reaction in a stressful situation!

2. Tell Yourself It’s Temporary

It can be easy to let the situation swallow you whole and lead you down a path of panic. Remind yourself that what you’re feeling is just a temporary reaction to the situation now and that it will pass. Sometimes letting yourself see that there’s an end in sight will bring you back to the present and let you charge forward instead with your day.

3. Take a Walk

Putting your body in motion can be incredibly helpful in combatting a case of “losing my cool”. Take a five-minute walk to the nearest coffee shop (if you go inside, opt for a caffeine free option… you don’t need to hop yourself up further!) or even walk inside of your office building or home. Get yourself moving and you’ll feel the thoughts in your head start to shift just the same.

If you can, take this opportunity to hit the gym or get in a thirty-minute workout. The natural hormones your body produces during and after a workout are mega mood-boosters.

4. Phone a Friend… but Talk About Something Else

If you can, phone a friend or family member who isn’t involved in whatever the stressful situation may be. Let them know that you’re having a tough day and want to chat and get your mind off whatever’s bothering you. Whatever you do, make sure that you don’t spend the phone call dwelling on the issue – it’s only going to fester and make you feel worse.

5. Play Your Favourite Song

If you work at an office, it’s helpful to have a set of headphones handy for stressful days. Hearing your favourite music will help you keep on track and stay calm. Whether it’s just an average day or you’re working your butt off trying to wrap a project up by five o’clock – your favourite tunes will help you through it.

When do you feel yourself starting to lose your calm? How do you cope? I’d love to hear your take on things!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How you relate to fear shapes the quality of your life

Christine Hart and Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love

A few weeks ago I attended a workshop with one of my faves, Mastin Kipp of the Daily Love. He’s recently published a book called Growing into Grace and I’m looking forward to diving in this weekend.

When striving to follow your truth, inevitably fear comes up over and over. Am I doing the right thing? What if this doesn’t work? What if I make a fool of myself? Is this too risky? Mastin gave us a brilliant acronym associated with the word FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

We know that fear is our brain’s way of keeping us safe so of course, it makes sense that our brains have become masters of even creating evidence to back up their claims. It’s almost like our brain is a well-resourced lawyer ready for a strong debate at any given moment. ☺

So since we know that this is typical behavior of our brain, how can we adjust it? Mastin suggests that:

How you relate to fear shapes the quality of your life

He went on to explain that our relationship to each fear determines the type of fear it is.

Huh?

More specifically:

Excitement is fear with POSITIVE energy Anxiety is fear with NEGATIVE energy

This means that once we acknowledge what our fear is, we can choose if we are going to create excitement OR anxiety around it. I think this is pretty awesome and allows us to get back in the driver’s seat of our brains, rather than being a hopeful passenger.

For example: let’s say you are in a relationship right now with someone that you care deeply about but you’re almost positive they are not the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with. You may default to anxiety, negative based fear and not break up with the person because you fear being alone. The other choice would be to place excitement and positive energy around the fear and see it as the right decision to free yourself up for a more suited relationship. In both cases, you are fully acknowledging the fear but you are choosing what energy you are going to give it.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Name two fears you have. They could be about work, relationships, fitness, life purpose, whatever you like. Be real with yourself and identify if positive or negative energy surrounds it. Now look to see if you can switch them to positive energy. Notice how this opens things up. You might be inspired to set some new goals once you see that FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real.

Let me know what you discover by sharing in the comments below!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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We all have fears, both men and women...

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This past weekend I attended a workshop that was all about helping men understand women and women understand themselves. As you can imagine, it was a fascinating weekend! There were several moments over the two days that a point of revelation occurred in the room where at the exact same time, the men experienced a “Really?? That is what it’s like to be a woman?!” and the women felt “wow, it’s not just me, I finally feel understood” One of these moments was when we were discussing the topic of Physical safety. We started with the men talking about a time in their life where they felt physically at risk. Some of their examples went back 10 or 20 years such as:

“I was riding my motorbike along the highway in a snowstorm and a big semi-truck passed me, blowing so much snow I couldn’t see a thing”

“I was camping alone deep in the woods and got lost in an area that is well known for bears”

“I was skydiving with my son for the first time and freaked right out!”

The women all listened and could understand these fears. When it was time for the women to share, it was a completely different story. I won’t share all the details for they are intimately related to the whole experience of the weekend but what I can say is that the men were completely stunned and had their view of women totally altered.

These are some of the beautiful things that can happen in an open, safe environment where men and women are there to learn more about each other, as opposed to sounding off with one another in a He Said/She Said battle like many other events. To think that some men took planes and stayed in hotels, all in an effort to understand the women in their life better, whether it be in their relationships, their daughters or co-workers was really touching.

We moved the conversation into other areas of safety, not just physical and how so much of it is tied back to our caveman/cavewomen days. We can’t forget that those burly, grunting men and women are all locked in our current DNA!

This question was raised by a man:

“Why is it that when my wife asks me to go to the grocery store to pick something up, she gets so specific with details? Does she think I’m stupid? It makes me feel that way.”

The workshop leader gave a fascinating response by going back to our cavewoman days and how we are acting on instinct in those situations. You see, if the cavewoman went out into the meadow and picked the orange berries that were close to the ground as opposed to the orangey-red berries that were close to the top of the bush, the entire tribe would parish! This is serious stuff and why women feel the need to provide an overabundance of detail in many situations.

Interesting, heh?!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Do What You Love, It's The Key to Happiness

We hear a lot about how we’re supposed to follow our passions, but what does that really mean? What does it look like to follow your passions? Passion is that feeling of excitement and optimism that we feel when we’re living authentically. How that shows up in our lives is different for each of us though. How come it's more difficult for some of you to really do what you love? Some people are passionate about things like dogs or cats. In much the same way, our passions present themselves in our work, our relationships and how we live every aspect of our lives. It’s not so much about what our passions actually are, but that we follow them.

Joseph Campbell, the renowned mythologist, is often quoted for his famous words saying that in order for us to be truly happy in life, we must ‘Follow Our Bliss’. What is it that truly excites you? When do you feel the most vital and alive?

To follow your passions means to take that leap, even when you don’t know what lies on the other side. It means to be willing to trust that there is some divine plan at play that is inviting your true potential to manifest itself in the world. Passion inherently contains within it, some element of risk.

Many of us take the safe bet in life though. We choose the safe relationship, the steady job with a guaranteed income and the quiet predictable neighbourhood to live in.

There’s nothing wrong with those choices if they allow you to follow your passions, but if you are choosing them only because it’s safe vs what you really want, then you’ve denied yourself the chance to follow your bliss and to authentically step into who are meant to be.

Here’s what I recommend:

Ask yourself what your passion is. If you could do just one thing today, right now, to start following your passion, what would that be? Then switch to imagining that you’re already living your passions. How does that feel to be living that way? Notice making decisions becomes so much easier because you are trying to line up your life with that feeling. All the choices you make every day somehow come more naturally. Everything just flows and there is no resistance.

Give it a try!

That is why we should follow our passions, because following our passions allows us to honor ALL of who we are, not just the beliefs that we have inherited from others.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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5 Ways Your Body is Telling You It's Stressed

We all know that stress is bad for us, but we don’t always recognize when we’re feeling stressed. Our bodies are like relay towers. They’re constantly taking in information through the environment, the food we eat, and the chemicals and toxins we’re exposed to. Then our bodies translate that raw data and let us know what’s working, and what’s not working, by how we look and feel. Stress comes in many forms though, which adds to the difficulty in identifying when we’re experiencing it. Someone who is under a chronic amount of stress will exhibit more noticeable, outward signs of stress in their bodies, then someone who is experiencing stress as a result of a passing situation. The distinction being chronic versus acute stress is the latter is temporary but quite intense.

Often stress is an underlying chronic condition, contributing to a multitude of symptoms, which also has an acute element to it. For example, you may experience an underlying low level of stress in your life as a result of social anxiety. That low level stress can then be triggered by a social situation that happens each year at the same time. Every year you may find yourself preparing for the acute flare up in your anxiety that increases your stress, and takes a greater toll on you than the rest of the year.

So how do you know that you’re under stress? What can you look for to start preparing yourself before your stress becomes a chronic condition?

Here are 5 ways that your body is telling you it’s stressed.

1. Most people when they are stressed experience sleep disturbances. That doesn’t mean that it you have no trouble sleeping that you’re not also under stress, it just means that’s a good place to start looking for signs that you are. Every body responds to stress differently, some require more sleep and some less. When you’re restless and anxious you tend to have more trouble sleeping. Start to notice if there has been any change in your sleep patterns, either sleeping more or less, having trouble falling asleep, or waking up in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep.

2. Notice what your eating habits are. Many people overeat when stressed as a way to disconnect and shut off the stress, or numb out. Others will stop eating as away to gain some sense of control over feeling not in control of the situation causing the stress, and the impact it’s having on them. Either one is possible; the key is to notice what is different than usual for you. Much like changes in your sleep patterns, you’re looking for what’s new or out of the ordinary for you. Your body may also crave different foods as a result of stress.

3. Regardless if you’re eating more or not, stress produces cortisol in the body which tends to make you put on weight around the belly. So even though you might have a loss of appetite as result of stress, you may also be carrying extra weight around the middle.

4. Cortisol also affects your immune system, big time! So when you’re stressed, you’re more likely to get sick. You’re body will have less resistance to fight off infections and will take longer to get over a cold when you are sick. Cuts and bruises will heal more slowly and will also be more susceptible to infections.

5. Stress can also present itself in the body as dull and lifeless skin, hair and eyes. Your usual shine or brightness can be become faded, much like your spirit feels. The body is expressing outwardly what is going on inside.

Commit to paying attention to the language of your body. It’s always speaking to you.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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When it Comes to Re-Inventing Yourself, do you Need to Go all the Way?

Last week I spoke with a group of women on the topic of “inventing yourself or re-inventing yourself” after a significant life event. It could be at any level from changing careers to the loss of a loved one but the discussion really focused on:

When you feel like you have to make big changes, how far do you need to go to really feel that change?

Here’s an example – after leaving a job we’d outgrown or could no longer stand, we decide that since baking is our passion, we are going to go all the way and open up a bake shop so that we can do our passion all the time. We didn’t consider all of the other elements of owning a bake shop that are not our passion and we end up dissatisfied because we’re left with zero time to create a life.

Another example is we really love yoga so we think that ultimately, it’s about teaching yoga so we enroll in teacher training only to discover that actually, we just like going to yoga classes and don’t really care about advanced anatomy. I’ve shared these examples to highlight the pressure we put on ourselves to go all the way

When I returned from Portugal this summer, I was quite convinced that I needed to move to the countryside, build a sustainable home and grow most of my food in my garden. Hello hippy life!

After spending such an amazing time in nature, I was having difficulty adjusting to being back in the city and the hustle and bustle was really getting on my nerves. So I researched all the different options and became pre-occupied with how I was going to pick up and leave my life here. I had bookmarked tons of websites and envisioned my dream home but what this was doing was creating a lot of pressure, not the freedom I desired.

So I had a chat with my soul and pretty much said, “I know this is a huge desire and I am going to re-visit it over the years to see where I stand.” What I was doing was acknowledging that this desire is real and not some hippy dream and that one day, I may just do it. That’s all your soul wants is the acknowledgment that this is real and true for you.

In the meantime, to avoid unrest I decided what I could do is make my city life a little more country. I love Pinterest so I created some boards that get in touch with that feeling of one day. I pinned some of the Adobe homes I would love to learn how to build. For food, I shifted my shopping to include weekly visits to the Farmer’s Markets because there’s something about purchasing right from the hands that helped pick or deliver the produce that makes so much sense to me. And I started following whole food chefs on Instagram to learn more about how they work with all natural ingredients.

As I was describing to the women I spoke with, these are ways of putting your desires on simmer as opposed to turning the oven right off.

My philosophy is that “one day” will arrive and we want to be fully prepared.

Do you have a Pinterest board of dreams and desires? Share them below! :)

You can find me on Pinterest here: www.pinterest.com/myhartsings

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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The Truth Behind Your Personal Growth Plan

You’ve likely heard about personal growth plans, whether it was on a talk show or within the pages of your favourite glossy magazine. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, it’s essentially a way to map out the next month, year or other period of your life in order to achieve specific goals. Making a plan, especially when you have specific goals you want to achieve in your career, love life or on a spiritual level, is a really good idea. However, what you have to remember to plan for is for your plan to sometimes go out the window.

Life is a journey. There are ups and downs and a whole lot of course correction, no matter how perfect your roadmap and compass may be. And that’s okay. Sometimes we learn the most from situations we didn’t or couldn’t anticipate happening. We’re forced, however willingly, to re-examine the situation and find our way back onto our paths.

As children, we’re regularly told that we should “learn from our mistakes”. We’re told, “it’s okay, you’ll get it next time!” and encouraged to get back on the horse when we fall off. Why is that, as adults, the thought of making a mistake can be petrifying and we no longer see the obvious option to just get back on the horse?

The biggest, number one, most effective way to shake off your fear of failure is to stop seeking recognition outside of yourself. Your personal goals and personal growth plan are just that – they’re personal. If you want to write more, write more than you did last year. If you want to make more money, aim to make more money than you did last year.

Most importantly, try your hardest to stop comparing yourself to others and chasing someone else’s goals and accomplishments. You’re your own person, and you’re pretty amazing.

Lastly, remember to give yourself some recognition at the end of the day. You’re allowed to fumble and fall, just as long as you continue to learn from the low points and reach for the high ones. You can do it

I’d love to hear what happens when you try this so be sure to share your experience with me in the comments below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How to Feel Happier, Think More Positively & Be a Better Person

There’s a lot of talk these days about why it’s so important to have a positive attitude, how thinking positively can impact both your health and your life. Our environment and the company we keep heavily affect our moods, and therefore our ability to think more positively. Have you ever known someone you just always liked being around, someone that you would describe as having ‘good energy’? Feeling happy radiates a positive energy outwardly that in turn allows oneself to think more positively inwardly. This is why it is so helpful (if not absolutely necessary!) to become aware of what makes YOU feel happier.

Feeling happy is actual work and maintenance for a lot of us. I have always found this a bit ironic but I know that many of you can relate. Our mind just seems to somehow enjoy hanging out in the negative world until asked to leave.

For some of us, feeling happier might mean being outdoors in nature, it may mean being physically active, for others it may mean taking time to be alone or doing something creative. Good music is another great way to shift your mood and makes you feel happier almost instantly.

Think about that person again that you always enjoy being around. Wouldn’t you like to be that person in someone else’s life? Committing to being happier doesn’t mean that you have to be ‘Miss/Mr Chipper’, it may just mean that you’re someone that other people just like to be around.

Here are few things to consider:

What can you do today that will support you in feeling happier? Who can you spend time with that makes you laugh and feel good about yourself? And if being alone is what makes you feel happy, then where can you go to be alone and how will you spend your solo time?

Having spent some time focusing on activities that make you feel happy, start to notice your thoughts. What you’re likely to find is that it’s pretty hard to think negatively when you’re feeling joy and happiness. That’s the beauty of feeling happier - it positively impacts everything you do. When you’re feeling happy and all your thoughts are focused on positive outcomes, you become a better person by contributing to the well being of others with your good energy.

If you’ve ever gone into a government office that was full of lines of angry, impatient people waiting to be served, then you know what it feels like to have someone else’s energy affect you. In the same way that we can be negatively affected by someone’s anger or frustration, we can also feel like we’re being up-lifted by those that possess a positive attitude, and who are genuinely happy.

It’s our choice, what kind of person we decide to be each and every day. :)

I’d love to hear what happens when you try this so be sure to share your experience with me in the comments below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Why Men Crave Appreciation and How to Honour That

Last week I shared with you how criticism is experienced differently for the masculine and feminine. In much the same way, appreciation has a very different impact on the masculine than it does on the feminine.

It’s not to say that women don’t enjoy receiving appreciation, it’s just that the impact it has on men is HUGE and it’s sometimes overlooked or forgotten.

For the feminine, appreciation makes a woman feel safe to be herself.

Women will generally spend time with people that value and appreciate who they are in order to affirm their sense of worth.

For the masculine, appreciation is fuel.

As women, we think that we have unlimited energy, so we don’t pay any attention to where or how that energy is spent.

But men are obsessed with how their energy is spent!

A man will actually do the math in his head about where and how he’s going to divide his energy.

Appreciation is the fuel that energizes a man. Opportunities that yield appreciation are where he will head first.

The more often a man receives appreciation, the more energy he has to spend.

Ask a man what makes him feel appreciated and see what he says.

You’ll notice that a man will use the words support and appreciation interchangeably because to them it’s the same quality in a woman.

When a woman expresses her appreciation for the man in her life she is literally giving him power – the power to be more of what she wants and ultimately a man that feels better about himself. Win-Win

Some women think that if they withhold appreciation from a man that he will work harder for it. This couldn’t be further from the truth and has the opposite than desired effect.

Appreciation puts fuel in a man’s tank so if you want the men in your life to have more energy for their relationship with you, try giving them a little more appreciation and see what happens!

I’d love to hear what happens when you try this so be sure to share your experience with me in the comments below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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New Relationship Advice You Won’t Want To Skip

Are you longing to be in a committed long-term relationship, but never seem to be able to get past the 3-month mark with any man? Do you look at couple’s that have been married for years and wonder how they managed to keep their relationship together for so long?

Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a new relationship, everything is exciting and fresh, and you get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about seeing your new sweetheart?

But then something happens and things begin to shift. Over time you start to notice that instead of feeling giddy and excited about seeing your new love, you’re energy and attention slowly becomes focused on how to get more love

You know what I’m talking about. It starts with you wondering where this new relationship is going. You start thinking over and over in your mind how you want things to progress. Before you know it, you’re spending all your time thinking about your ‘possible’ future with this person, and you’re no longer enjoying the present moments that you actually have with them.

My advice to anyone in a new relationship is to enjoy the present moment, because all relationships are made up of moments Moments of laughter and joy, and moments of intimacy and connection are what build our relationships. Over time these moments, when strung together, form the foundation of a deep and lasting love.

So often we’re in such a hurry to get to where we think we want to be in our new relationship, that we lose sight of the pleasure and possibilities that are present in the moment we are in right now. How your relationship appears right now, might not be what you envision the relationship you desire to look like, but trying to get to some imaginary destination of what you think your relationship should be can snuff out the tiniest bit of potential in even the best of relationships.

So what can we do?

When looking to cultivate a new relationship into a committed partnership, it’s always wise to focus first on improving yourself, then on improving the relationship If you’re not happy with yourself, with your life, as it is, with or without a partner, then every new relationship regardless of it’s potential will be imbued with the dissatisfaction that you’re feeling with yourself and your own life.

Often we misinterpret discontent in our lives as stemming from our needs not being met in our relationships, when in fact, nothing could be further from truth. More often than not, we enter into our relationships with the expectation that the other person will provide us with everything that we are unable or unwilling to provide for ourselves. And that’s both a heavy and very unrealistic expectation to place on anyone.

In any relationship there will always be a balancing act of both people seeking to have their needs met. In most new relationships, one person is often ready to move forward before the other and this becomes of tipping point for how well you will fair as a couple. If you can navigate the apparent obstacle of both people progressing at varying speeds toward a common goal then the relationship is likely to continue.

My advice for any relationship, not just a new relationship, is to always make the needs of the relationship itself a priority over either person’s individual needs. When I am working with couples, this is where we often begin and discover that the actual relationship is starving! So we can ask ourselves, what does the relationship need in this moment in order to survive this apparent impasse? How can we work together to strengthen the foundation of our relationship? And ultimately, am I willing to place the needs of the relationship over my own personal desires in this moment, in order to keep moving forward with this person in my life?

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How Small Comments Can Have Big Impact

One thing that women are really good at doing is changing, and in large part, our motivation to change comes from perceived criticism by those around us. Have you ever been told by a boyfriend that he didn’t like your absolute favorite shirt?

As much as you may have loved that shirt, most women would at least stop wearing it around him.

Why? Because for a woman our instinct is to adapt, and we view criticism as the invitation to do so…even if we reluctantly change, we often still change.

The masculine responds differently though.

Try to recall the last time that you criticized a man. Did he change his behavior right away? Likely not, and herein lies another difference between men and women.

As a woman, because we react to criticism in one way, we think that when we criticize a man he’ll react in the same way, by changing.

But guess what? He doesn’t.

He doesn’t change his behavior because he evaluates information in a totally different way than you do.

In the past, a woman’s very survival depended on her ability to adapt to constantly changing circumstances, so naturally we’ve become quite good at this.

A man will take your criticism and then evaluate whether or not there is any truth to it before ever acting on it.

And honestly, he may never act on it, because he may not see the effort required to change as worth the pay off.

But don’t worry, not all hope is lost!

What a man truly does respond to is your ability to appreciate him for who he is. We’ll learn more about how that is woven in and out of criticism.

In next weeks blog I’ll show you how you can give your man the appreciation he really wants and why your appreciation has the power to transform the way you relate to one another.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How to Attract Men & Understand How to Harness the Power

Have you ever wondered why some women just seem to know how to attract men? Why it seems so easy and effortless for them, and why men just love being around them? It’s really not all that complicated to figure out what attracts men. You just need to know a little bit about the difference between masculine and feminine energy.

Just like a magnet requires both a positive and a negative polarity, in order to attract men, a woman needs to be able to provide what a man is missing. That missing thing that every man needs is feminine energy, and lucky for you, as a woman you have that in ample supply.

All women do.

In today’s world the distinction between masculine and feminine energy has become a lot less clear though. Our roles in society have changed considerably from even just 50 years ago.

Think about the classic Leave It To Beaver stereotype from the 50’s with June Cleaver, the queen of domestic bliss being the symbol of what it meant to be a woman. In that model, what attracted a man was a woman at home cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the home front while he went off to work.

We've come a long way since then and while June Cleaver may not seem very sexy or appealing to you as a woman, she did embody feminine energy in a lot of ways and it is worth looking at. To start with, she allowed herself to be taken care of by Ward, her husband. I don’t just mean financially either, she allowed him to be in control of various things when she’d say things like, ‘ Whatever you think is best Ward.’

By differing to him to "just take care of some decisions", she conveyed her trust in his judgment of the situation and allowed herself to be vulnerable enough to know that he would not do anything intentionally to hurt her or the boys. By being vulnerable, she could spend more time in her feminine, knowing that things were being taken care of. In no way was she unable to make the exact same decisions but the complaint I get from so many women unfortunately is, "I wish he would just take care of it so that I don't have to do everything!"

Now contrast that relationship of 50 years ago with one of today. So many of us women are building careers and being powerful in our work life and too often, this “take charge” attitude seeps into our relationships. We end up managing both home and work life with little room for femininity. We don't mean to and in our quiet moments, we often wish we could just defer to someone to "handle it". We truly want to rock that boardroom but be able to come home and be swept up by our man.

Think about how you go through your day and notice what you’re energy feels like when you’re working. Does it feel the same or different as when you are around men in a romantic context?

For many of us, we spend our time striving to attain goals or meet deadlines and when the workday ends we forgot to stop striving. So we go out on a date or we go home to our husbands and we’re still in strive mode.

What really attracts men is to be in swept up by your feminine energy.

He’s spent all day dealing with other men and being in his masculine energy, and he wants nothing more than to experience the refreshing change of scenery that being with you in your relaxed, colorful feminine energy provides. And the good news for you is that allowing yourself to step into your femininity is one hundred times more relaxing than trying to relax in your masculine energy.

Try this little experiment to see what I mean and watch what happens.

The next time you’re out on a date or with your husband, just try simply listening while he shares about his day.

Ask him how his day was and then just listen. Be yourself but the key here is that you are just listening.

Now before you think this is some sort of archaic backward approach, know that it’s intention is purely a chance for you to step out of action mode and into response mode. It’s an opportunity for you to step into your femininity and also an opportunity for the man who is sharing to actually get all his thoughts out. And not to worry, you can easily reverse this by asking him to "just listen" which creates the exact same opportunity for you to step into your feminine. (something that is very important but impossible when both the man and woman are in masculine, action mode)

You want to know what attracts men?

Believe me, one of the biggest gifts you can give to a man (and yourself!) is the gift of your feminine energy. Try it and see for yourself.

Let me know how it goes!

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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It Feels Like My Feelings Are Not Being Respected

Have you ever asked a man how he felt about something only to have him respond with the words, ‘I don’t know enough to have an opinion’? To a woman this sort of response is crazy making because we just don’t understand how a man could not know how he feels about something.

As women, we’re guided by feeling; we’re motivated to action by feeling.

Overwhelmingly though, men do not trust feelings as something to act on.

In fact, men do not always trust people who act based solely on feelings.

For many men, ‘having a grip’ on their feelings is a hallmark of their character.

A man screens information and evaluates it before he moves forward.

A woman only needs to be in touch with her feelings to form an opinion.

A woman’s opinions can change as often as her feelings, but for a man, his opinions are very much a part of his sense of self.

And make no mistake; a man will defend his opinions to the death!

Can you recall a time when you found yourself attracted to a man and were listening intently to every word he said?

Part of that listening was you trying to determine whether or not you agreed with his opinions.

Think about it, when you agree with a man’s opinions you feel closer to him. When you disagree though, there is a feeling of distance that is created between you.

And women hate feeling distance because it makes us feel alienated. We want to feel close and cozy.

On a very basic level, a man’s relationship to communication is that of a warrior. And how does a warrior communicate? He conceals information, because he needs to be able to rely on the element of surprise.

The good news is, any time a man speaks his opinion, he’s actually unknowingly revealing himself to you.

In that willingness to just listen I think you’ll find that he just processes and shares information differently.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How To Define Success & Achieve It On Your Own Terms

What does it mean to you when you hear the word success? Have you ever tried to figure out how to define success? Does the meaning of success change for you depending on what type of success you’re defining?

Let’s look at success in relationships.

How do you define a successful relationship? What elements need to be present? What is non-negotiable for you to experience success in your relationship?

While there are some elements that will be deeply personal, there a few simple steps that anyone can take to make their relationships more successful.

For starters, we all need to understand that any relationship is an energetic exchange. When two people come together, they are on some level, a match for each another.

Now the part of you that ‘matches’ may not always be what you like about yourself, so when you see it show up in your partner, you’re probably not going to like it in them either!

For example, let’s say that you find yourself to be too judgmental of others. That might leave you feeling particularly sensitive when your partner makes comments to you that sound like he’s – well, judging you.

On the other hand though, you and you’re partner can be mirrors for how you approach life with a clear focus, as a result of that same skill of discernment. (That’s the nice way of saying judgment.)

How you define success in your relationship will vary depending on how you view it, either through a positive or negative filter. The first simple step that you can take is to recognize that you have an impact o n your partner, and how they’re showing up.

In fact, in most cases, I would go so far as to say that the woman sets the tone for the relationship. Therefore, it’s very helpful to have a clear idea of how you define success for your relationship.

Here’s simple step number two. If success for you means feeling good around each other, then you need to make sure that you feel good with yourself first. You can’t show up and expect someone else to make you feel better.

You need to at least be willing to try to cheer yourself up on your own, before asking someone else to help get a giggle out you. If you really can’t shift how you’re feeling, consider taking some time alone rather than engaging with your partner when you know you can’t offer him, what it is that you yourself are lacking.

Simple step number three is to take some time to clarify what it is that you really desire in your relationship. Define success on your own terms and build a mental map of what it looks like so you’ll know it when you see it and experience it.

Too often we’re so busy chasing someone else’s idea of what success looks like, we never even notice it when it’s happening in our own lives. Sometimes the simplest things define success in our relationships and they’re so simple that we overlook them.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

1) What’s the funniest memory you have of being with your current partner, or in a previous relationship?

2) What was it about that situation that is so memorable for you?

3) How can you experience more of that?

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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Oh I Don’t Care, Wherever You Like Is Fine

As a woman, you no longer need to rely on a man to go out and hunt for your food or to protect you from wooly mammoths, but did you know that a man’s instinct is still to protect you and to provide for you in whatever way he can? While our roles in society now are much more fluid than they were in tribal society, both men and women have instinctual urges that can be seen in the way that we relate to one another

Historically, a women’s survival depended largely on her relationship to a man, and more specifically, her ability to please him.

And while that may no longer be the case, a woman’s instinct is a strong driving factor behind how she behaves in her romantic relationships.

In much the same way, a man instinctively wants to provide for and protect the women he loves. He may not go out on the hunt for, but he certainly does want to take care of you.

Here’s an example.

When a man is walking down the street with a woman that he feels compelled to protect, he will often walk on whichever side of her is closest to the street.

It’s a small thing, and one that most women would not likely notice, but for a man this is an instinctive act of protection.

This is his way of keeping you safe and out of harm’s way.

For a woman, her instinct may arise when she is asked by a man where she’d like to go out for dinner.

How often have you been asked this question and then promptly answered, ‘Oh, I don’t care. Whatever you’d like is fine.’

This is a classic example of how we, as women, operate from our instinctive supporter/adapter mode of being.

But guess what? He’s asking you what you want because HE wants to provide for you.

He wants to make you HAPPY.

So while you’re busy trying to please him, he’s busy trying to figure out how to give you what you want – but you won’t tell him![

So ]2the next time a man asks you where you’d like to go for dinner, watch how quick you are to respond and see if you can pause and just take a breath.

Then instead of saying it doesn’t matter, trust that he’s asking you because he really does want to know what would make you happy, and then tell him where you’d like to go.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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