Hart Coaching Academy

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This past weekend I attended a workshop that was all about helping men understand women and women understand themselves. As you can imagine, it was a fascinating weekend! There were several moments over the two days that a point of revelation occurred in the room where at the exact same time, the men experienced a “Really?? That is what it’s like to be a woman?!” and the women felt “wow, it’s not just me, I finally feel understood” One of these moments was when we were discussing the topic of Physical safety. We started with the men talking about a time in their life where they felt physically at risk. Some of their examples went back 10 or 20 years such as:

“I was riding my motorbike along the highway in a snowstorm and a big semi-truck passed me, blowing so much snow I couldn’t see a thing”

“I was camping alone deep in the woods and got lost in an area that is well known for bears”

“I was skydiving with my son for the first time and freaked right out!”

The women all listened and could understand these fears. When it was time for the women to share, it was a completely different story. I won’t share all the details for they are intimately related to the whole experience of the weekend but what I can say is that the men were completely stunned and had their view of women totally altered.

These are some of the beautiful things that can happen in an open, safe environment where men and women are there to learn more about each other, as opposed to sounding off with one another in a He Said/She Said battle like many other events. To think that some men took planes and stayed in hotels, all in an effort to understand the women in their life better, whether it be in their relationships, their daughters or co-workers was really touching.

We moved the conversation into other areas of safety, not just physical and how so much of it is tied back to our caveman/cavewomen days. We can’t forget that those burly, grunting men and women are all locked in our current DNA!

This question was raised by a man:

“Why is it that when my wife asks me to go to the grocery store to pick something up, she gets so specific with details? Does she think I’m stupid? It makes me feel that way.”

The workshop leader gave a fascinating response by going back to our cavewoman days and how we are acting on instinct in those situations. You see, if the cavewoman went out into the meadow and picked the orange berries that were close to the ground as opposed to the orangey-red berries that were close to the top of the bush, the entire tribe would parish! This is serious stuff and why women feel the need to provide an overabundance of detail in many situations.

Interesting, heh?!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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One thing that women are really good at doing is changing, and in large part, our motivation to change comes from perceived criticism by those around us. Have you ever been told by a boyfriend that he didn’t like your absolute favorite shirt?

As much as you may have loved that shirt, most women would at least stop wearing it around him.

Why? Because for a woman our instinct is to adapt, and we view criticism as the invitation to do so…even if we reluctantly change, we often still change.

The masculine responds differently though.

Try to recall the last time that you criticized a man. Did he change his behavior right away? Likely not, and herein lies another difference between men and women.

As a woman, because we react to criticism in one way, we think that when we criticize a man he’ll react in the same way, by changing.

But guess what? He doesn’t.

He doesn’t change his behavior because he evaluates information in a totally different way than you do.

In the past, a woman’s very survival depended on her ability to adapt to constantly changing circumstances, so naturally we’ve become quite good at this.

A man will take your criticism and then evaluate whether or not there is any truth to it before ever acting on it.

And honestly, he may never act on it, because he may not see the effort required to change as worth the pay off.

But don’t worry, not all hope is lost!

What a man truly does respond to is your ability to appreciate him for who he is. We’ll learn more about how that is woven in and out of criticism.

In next weeks blog I’ll show you how you can give your man the appreciation he really wants and why your appreciation has the power to transform the way you relate to one another.